Letter To My Future Son-in-Law

Dear Future Son-in-Law, hey.

How are you doing? This is probably the first of the many letters you will be getting from me, your future mother-in-law. And it serves an entirely selfish purpose: To be fore-warned is to...well, come prepared.

Your future wife, my daughter Zi, is the strongest little girl i’ve met.  I’m sitting right here in the hospital, holding her as she shudders away the last of her tears and it occurred to me that you really should be aware of certain facts and happenstances, as early as possible, to guide your future actions.

Dear Future Son-in-Law, you see, this hospital trip was precipitated by a simple case of cough and catarrh. Only there wasn’t anything simple about Zi’s temperature that went from 37.2c to 40.1c in a matter of minutes. Its bad enough the temperature was alarmingly high but on her 10.5kg body [yea, she’s always being skinny and petite...cute tho], the damage doesn’t bear thinking. So, i inserted a rectal analgesic and we hightailed it to the hospital!

As sick as she was, she sat quietly through her vitals being taken by the nurses. She sat as the doctor listened to her chest, poked both ears and tortured her already inflamed tonsils with a stick. She sat through all these quietly. Dear Future SIL, you woulda understood and appreciated how much of a big deal this is if you had meet your brother in-law, Chets, as a little boy!

After examination, the course of action sounded simple enough. Blood tests, nebulise, suction, administer drugs, discharge. Only there wasn’t anything simple, AGAIN, about inserting a plastic wire into veins to take blood for the tests; nothing simple about hanging a nose mask on her face to nebulise with normal saline and definitely nothing simple about passing a tube through her nostrils to suck out phlegm.

She aced taking-the-blood process. In fact, she even assisted...which was amazing considering that we would’ve had to call the hospital security to hold him in place if it were your brother-in-law, Chets. Your wife, my daughter Zi, is a strong girl. Take note!

Nebulising her was a bit of a challenge. She didn’t want anything to do with the nose mask hanging round her head. She fought it! She cried and kicked but i held her down, with the mask firmly on her nose. She cried so...and i decided to remove the entire contraption from around her head and off her nose. I told her i loved her and that this was really for her own good! Your father-in-law, her daddy thought i had gone mad but guess what? As i made to put it back on, she took it from me and held it to her nose...and slept off, still holding it in place, to the sound of me singing “I Love Jesus...”. Allow me to remind you at this point that Mummy Knows Best! And here’s another insight: You gotta learn to negotiate with this daughter of mine. Force her to do something against her will, she’ll totally fight you!

And then came the suctioning. This was so heart breaking. As i watched them suction phlegm...and blood out of her nostrils, i knew it was imperative i wrote you this letter. That sh*t was scary for me. I could only imagine what it was like for her!

I had this day all planned out. I had this party to attend with your father-in-law and i’ve been prepping myself all week. I even got me a cute top from Elsie Vintage and i couldn’t wait to debut it today at the party. All these plans, i gave up so i can to be with my daughter, your wife in her time of need. Such sacrifice!

So lemme just put it out there: If after all these sacrifices i’ve made [and will continue to make] on her behalf...and ultimately yours too...you ever lift a finger against her or cause her any form of body harm, e don be for you. And i’m not even joking!

As the nurse removed the last of her infusions, she clambered down from my laps and declared, “Leggoooo!” Hilarious. She couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. “E ya bag”, she reminded me. translated: see your bag. She didn’t want me forgetting anything that would require our having to come back to the hospital premise again. At the door as we made to leave, she paused, turned and walked back into the room straight to the drip stand, gave it a good kick, turned and walked back towards me! i had a good laugh. Your future wife, my daughter chooses her battles well. Of all that caused her pain today, the drip stand was what she had authority over and she very well exercised that power.

Dear Future Son-in-Law, I’d like to point out that through all these processes, it was ME she clung unto. Are you reading this? ME!!! She didn’t even let her papa near her. It was me that carried that 10.5kg weight for hours in the hospital. So in case of graft in the future, you should totally know which side of the bread needs buttering the most!

Her temperature is still spiking but she’s doing much better now, responding to the antibiotics. She’s cranky as heck tho. Hella irritated and crying up a storm every other minute, its exhausting. Will keep you posted. Oh? Of course you are welcome. Until i write again, toodles..xxx

When Is Love Not Enough?

I read one tweet on Thursday and my heart broke for this woman i do not even know. I am compelled to share the story on this blog mainly because 1. I don’t know who to blame and 2. There are lessons to be learnt from it. Here goes….as narrated by my source Nwadioku, who happens to also be a marriage counselor.

In the early hours of Thursday, we heard our security man arguing heatedly with someone and then, we heard a loud bang on our door. My first instinct was to gather the kids and lock them in my room but then, the person called out my name. I recognized her voice…it was my friend Pearl. She kept screaming that I should come and help her, that she was dying. On hearing her wails, my thoughts went haywire: Was her hubby shot by armed robbers? Has her kids been kidnapped? Or are some people using her as bait to rub us? I thought all these and more but I still came downstairs and opened the door for her all the same. She collapsed in my arms and for the next 30 minutes, she cried and cried and cried and just cried. I just held her until she was done. Then she said, “Bobby has killed me oooo!” and started with the cries again. It took another 30 minutes before she could narrate what happened.

Apparently, early that morning around 3.00am she had woken up to ease herself and noticed Bobby wasn’t in bed. She didn’t think much of it…he was prolly in his study as usual. But she wanted to get a drink of water so she went downstairs to get it. That was when she noticed some unfamiliar, yet familiar, sounds coming from her househelp’s bedroom. She decided to investigate. She wished she didn’t….because what she saw is forever imprinted in her memory. Yes, she saw her husband going at the househelp…doggy style, in her home…while she was in the house!

~Such Disrespect!

According to Pearl, she closed the door and walked out of her house…by that time of the night…to mine! And our houses are a good distance apart.

~Where there any signs either on her husband’s side or the help’s part that could’ve at least given her an inkling of what might have been happening in her house?

Pearl said that the help was just perfect. She attends to the kids like they were hers and keeps the house so clean you could eat off the floor. She was courteous, humble, very domesticated and totally grateful for every good thing Pearl had ever done for her. Pearl said she felt God rewarded her with this help for all the years of crappy househelps she had endured. However, towards the end of last year, the girl had said she wanted to leave and had been rather insistent about it but Pearl begged and begged her not to. Bobby suggested that her salary be increased so she’ll be enticed into staying.

~How did Bobby relate with the househelp prior to this incident?

She said that Bobby hardly ever talked to the help and neither does the girl except unless absolutely necessary!

~Did they have a healthy sex life?

Pearl said since the birth of her twins almost a year ago, their sex life has been really really skeletal. Maybe once a month and at most, twice. She felt with the issues she had giving birth to the twins [they have four kids. The twins are the last] that her husband will understand. And he said he did. And now this….   mitigate

~ Who would you blame in this matter and why? Bobby, who’s been sleeping with the househelp for God knows how long right and right under his wife’s nose, even if he was being “starved”? Pearl, who failed to satisfy her husband’s needs, even if she felt he understood the reasons behind that? Or the househelp, who might or might not have been forced to step into the wife’s shoes and service the man?

Nwadioku says: Nature abhors vacuum. Any vacuum you do not fill in your marriages, someone or something else will fill it for you. Worry when your husband suddenly stops asking for sex. SEX is the number one emotional need of most men and it is your duty as a wife to meet that need! Also, you cannot underestimate the power of prayers and the need to have a close relationship with God, as a wife...as a mother. Be observant and sensitive to the Spirit to know when things have changed. Last but not the least, be financially empowered, regardless of how rich your husband is!

~In her shoes, what would you do?

Nwadioku says: Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13

My only input to this whole debacle is this: I hope he sha used protection.

Pearl has since gone home to her husband. Where they go from this incident is entirely up to them. I just pray God guide them aright. In her shoes, ladies, please what would you do?