What's In Your GTH Account?

Monday morning had resurfaced again, as it usually does every Monday morning. And as was also usual with Mondays, i was not inclined to go to work but seeing as my bills will not miraculously pay themselves with me lounging in bed under covers, lemming on slices of cucumber and watching S3 of the The Good Wife, i organized myself and hustled off to work.

As i entered the bank premise, i noticed we had a couple of early customers hanging around, waiting for the bank to open its doors for business. One of them, a lady, looked so very familiar, like we have some sort of history together but i couldn’t place her face, for the life of me. I chucked it up to one of the many faces i encounter everyday in the course of work and went about the business of putting my six-inch heels and my game face on. It wasn’t until i saw my other colleagues hugging and cooing at her that it clicked. I couldn’t blame me tho: there was no way i could’ve recognised that chic without her power suit and high-heeled pumps! Oh yes, she was a former colleague, from another branch. But in the place of sophisticat, i saw a woman that had been beaten down by her circumstances; hard-drawn face, badly applied make-up, hair an absolute mess. I was beyond shocked.

A Cord of Three

We've been arguing back and forth for a few minutes now and frankly, I’m exhausted. Ok, correction...I've been building my case and He's been listening patiently. But enough already; I’m wearing me out and it doesn't seem like I'm making any progress…as usual. I mentally rolled my eyes. 

“The joke is on you,” I huffed but then I remember who I was talking to.

“Ok, I'm sorry I’m giving you lip. I know you don't deserve the attitude I'm sending your way right now but you gotta admit the joke is really on you. You asked that I wait. I waited. Against all odds, I waited.  See where that landed me...in a mighty mess. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Learn!” I heard.

“Learn? From who? Deji? Haha! Really, You are supposed to be all-seeing!!!”

“Tanya. Tanya! Tanya!!”

Strange, this would be the first time I actually heard, like audibly heard God call out my name. Usually, its almost nonexistent whispers. And stranger, God's voice didn't sound as ominous as movies make it out to be. This voice sounded mellow, slightly annoying, yet sing-song, almost like...

“Earth to Tanya. Does anyone copy?”

...like Debbie's. Sarcastic…as always!

I snapped out of my reverie to glimpse four friendly albeit worried faces staring back at me. Debbie, Cassie, Lillian, Amaka. My girlfriends…. It was our once-in-a-month luncheon at Café Royale, something we do to keep in touch and catch up on happenings and gossips. That’s the official story. Deep down though, we know one truth: We are each other’s support system.

My Book Of Bible Stories: Joseph

My Book of Bible Stories, anchored by AA @Abyurla is back! I just love how she adds a modern day twist to age old Bible stories so we can easily relate it to our everyday lives. Today’s story is being anchored by a member of #TeamBookofBibleStories @phemyte. Read, enjoy, learn....

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During the week when AA sister informed me I would be taking the sermon today, I wept and asked God why me? Baba Why Me O? *in D-banj’s voice* Who am I to pree-sh to your children? I’m not even worthy to sweep your altar Lord. But then I remembered the men of old, they were in no way perfect. Moses was a stammerer; David was an adulterer; Rahab was a harlot, Bro Paul persecuted the church and many others like that *smoothens beard*. So I came to the conclusion, “God uses a willing vessel and not necessarily the most beautiful.” It don’t matter what you are or where you’ve been, God can and will use you. Can I get an amen? Amen!! 

Today, *clears throat* I want to share with you the life of 17 year-old Joseph Jacobs aka JJ aka The Dreamer, born into a polygamous family. His half brothers hated him cos he’s daddy’s boy (dad got him this lovely designer blazer) and he used to brag a lot about his dreams of becoming president. So one day while on business trip to Nigeria with his brothers, they sent him on an errand to a merchant. Unknown to him his brothers had sold him to the merchants to be used as domestic servant. Coincidentally the Nigerian Senate President (Sen. P) needed domestic help or houseboy, he paid the merchants good money for JJ.

After 3mths, Sen. P observed that JJ is godly and skilful in administration, so he made him P.A Special Duties. God was with JJ and everything was going smoothly until one day when devil reared its ugly head. Sen. P’s wife (Mrs. P) had been watching JJ since he came into their house. She noticed he was handsome & even has six packs & toned biceps. Since Sen. P was always in Abuja, she decided to “Set P” with JJ. She began to wink at him, backslapping, laugh at his jokes even if they were dry. Mrs. P would call JJ to serve her wine after she just finished bathing just to seduce him. 

One day she BBM-ed JJ, “Sleep with me *wink*”. JJ replied, “Let us fear God ma, my oga trusts me too much for me to thrust his wife” *angel smiley*. Mrs. P decided to take it a notch higher; she told him she would get Sen P to increase his salary, then bought him Bold 5 & Ipad 3 which JJ refused. Choi. I thought to myself, JJ is a dulling somborri, living in a jonzing world. I trust myself *coughs* erm…I mean err…some guys, there will always be electrical fault in Mrs. P’s bedroom, they will be looking for ways to fix her bedroom light bulb, socket. Just to enter madam’s room.

This particular konji haff catch Madam, the agro was unbearable. Sen P had not come visit her in a month; her “toys” were not helping matters again. That’s how Madam tricked JJ into the room when no one was around, grabbed him by the waist, pinned him to the wall with her heavy bosom *choi*. JJ looked at the madam’s oranges, he remembered the pictures from #WorldCleavageDay, he felt a bulge in his pants & started sweating under AC. JJ tried to psyche Mrs P, “Madam relax, no be say I no understand you all these days. I dey catch am as you dey throway am. I just want to be sure”.  Mrs P couldn’t believe her ears cos JJ had been refusing all her earlier signals. With his heart pounding in his mouth, he slowly removed his shirt revealing those six packs Madam had been dying for. Mrs. P grinned sheepishly, bit her lower lips sexily, hmmn. JJ noticed his chance, threw his shirt over Mrs. P and quickly unlocked the door.

Mrs. P was furious, a woman scorned! Mrs P thought of calling Sen P but decided to wait till he arrived from Abuja later in the day. Mrs. P showed Sen P JJ’s shirt and told him a well-cooked up version with plenty water-works. Sen. P was enraged; he immediately called the SSS to arrest JJ. Brethren and sistren, that’s how JJ landed in Kirikiri maximum prison...*Sigh*

You don’t believe me abi? Read Gen 37 & 39. How many guys would do what #JoeJacobs did? 

 What other lessons did you learn? Till another day when I’ll be bringing you another interesting tori, I remain yours truly @phemyte *wipes forehead* Part 2 coming soon

>>>>>>   To God Be The Glory   <<<<<<<

Really really nice piece from @phemyte. Make sure you follow him on Twitter. Also, if you want to be a vessel, get at @Abyurla and join #TeamBookofBibleStories.

“Your reward won’t only be in Heaven…You will be endearing people to the Bible” @Abyurla

Picture Perfect

So we [Chets, Zi & I] were bored this particular day and we sorta found ourselves having a photo-sess. What is it with kids and taking pictures these days tho? They looooooove the camera! The poses i saw that day....

United We Stand, Chets, Zi & I....their father is a staunch unwavering supporter of Wa-Wa Rangers. Go figure!

Don’t let their goofy angelic faces fool you....these two terrorise me daily. But i wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world!

How has everyone been? Its been a minute.