Showing posts with label Married Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Married Life. Show all posts
Celebrating Love
Labels:
Beddings 'n' Beyond,
Celebrating Love,
Married Life
·
Anyways, my colleague and a huge believer in the Beddings ‘n’ Beyond brand {what else does carte blanche on furniture, curtains and bedding for his house say?} got married on Saturday, February 9.
That he got married isn’t why I’m writing this post, even tho that in itself is a huge deal. It seemed like this dude had hugged his confirmed bachelor trophy close to chest and just plain refused to let go. I guess it took the right woman...and at the very time he needed her, to change his mind. But I digress.
Nah. This post
is about how he called me and said, “Babe, I need you to make my bedroom
beautiful for when I bring my wife
home on Monday, February 11. Do what you gotta do!” I love when clients say
that... “Just do what you gotta do and send me a bill”. Limitless...
Anyways, i did what i gotta do, with the help of my friends Bidemi & Foluke....new mattress, new pillows, new bedding,
fresh ambience, for the new couple. Here’s a peek at the end product....
Beaten But Not Broken
Labels:
Domestic Violence,
Fiction,
Married Life,
Speak Out
·
He
was in a really foul mood, i could tell. Fouler than usual. His murderous countenance,
the slammed door and that bark in response to the kids excited “Daddy!!!” were
dead giveaways. One look at his face and i had Semilore my eldest, take Nimi to
their room, praying silently and fervently that tonight would not be one of
those nights. Quick as i could, considering how heavily pregnant i was, i shuffled
into the kitchen to get his food. I wasn’t going to give him a reason to make
me the end user of his wrath.
After
I’ve served his meal at the table, i went to call him. He grunted a “Bring it
to me!” Thankful for at least a feedback even if it was a grunt, i went to
fetch his tray from the dining room. I was preoccupied with rending a song of
gratitude albeit inaudibly, to the forces-that-be for averting tonight’s drama
when my leg hit the edge of the bed and i nearly fell. In trying to regain my
balance, the glass of water i had put on the tray fell and splashed...on the
bed but mostly on him!Before i got married, I had a list of what i wanted in a man. A hot temper was not one of them but my husband, he scored a whooping 9 out of my 12 wants on that list. I figured i could deal with the hot temper. After all, everyone who’s been on the receiving end of his temper deserved it...sort of! I figured wrong!
I knew he was in a really foul mood that night; i just didn’t how bad he’s got it. No sooner had i opened my mouth to apologise, than he landed the mother lode of slaps on my right cheek! I SAW STARS, literally. The tray of food i was carrying slipped from my hands, emptying its contents all over the floor. Impaired vision would fetch same reaction from even the strongest. That night wasn’t one of those nights. That night was THE NIGHT! He beat me until i felt my water break. My God. Even then, he didn’t stop until he noticed i was doubled over in excrutiating pain, hugging my pregnancy. I don’t remember much after that. I think i passed out. I heard i was out of it for two days. When i woke, a beautiful baby girl was put in my bruised arms. My daughter. My third child for this man i loved...and i had no recollection of birthing her. He stole that from me.
I
should hate him with all of my heart but i couldn’t. I was bitter, yes but i couldn’t
hate him. Not when he was standing there by my bedside, eyes glittering with
unshed tears, pleading for my forgiveness and pledging his undying love. I
forgave him. Why wouldn’t i? He is my husband
and I love him. Nobody had it all. Nobody needs to know what he did. It was our
business and my shame to bear. Moreover, we were reasonably happy...
...until
that late night, two months later.Who Makes The Rules Anyway?
Labels:
Married Life
·
Statements like “You are nearly 25. When are you gonna get married?” or “Aint you too old to still be single at 29? Go and find yourself a man and marry!” we’ve all heard either directly or indirectly at some points in our existence. Some folks are subtle about it; others, like some parents, would blatantly shove it in your face, “Eliza, what are you still doing in my house? Is it not time to move into your husband’s house? Do you remember Chief Okonkwo’s daughter, that one we went to see in the hospital when she was born? She’s married o, with two children. Children younger than you are all married and you are still here. What are you waiting for?”
My question is: Who makes the rules? Who says when it is right for a lady to get married and when it is not? Who, apart from lady directly involved? As long as she is 18+.
Once upon a time, women got married at 16. Society called it Child Abuse. I totally agree. What does a girl know about men at that age except that if she kisses a boy, she’ll get pregnant? However, the same society that cried foul play years ago when fathers used to sell off their teenage daughters to their cronies now demands that daughters be married before they hit the big 3-0. It tends to sympathise with chics that are yet unmarried; as if they are some defective products nobody wants to buy. The pressure! It becomes even more pitiful when a lady embraces that pressure with statements like “My mates are all getting married. Why should my fate be different?”
Sometimes, it’s really not about the availability of men but about a girl’s preparedness. In my opinion, a girl should get married when she is good and ready; when she’s physically, emotional and mentally prepped for that phase of her life and no sooner. If ready at 18, then by all means marry and procreate. At 20, i was so not even thinking a steady relationship talk more of a forever one. In hindsight, i wished i had gotten married at 20. By now, the kids woulda been packed off to college and i would still have enough juice and stamina to rough a second honeymoon. But the operative word here is hindsight. Mostly at 20, you cannot even begin to comprehend the need and the importance of the act of juggling....juggling family and in-laws, that is. At 20, you might not fully understand the power financial {in}dependence wields on a marriage. It could make or mar a union. Most importantly, at 20, the heart is a lot more involved in the relationship than the head, thanks to Mills & Boon and Harlequin Romance. Marriage requires both the heart and the head in equal partnership. At the very least, the heart will know to forgive when he cheats {if he cheats} and the head will know when to skip if he beats.
If a girl wants to study and build her career to a certain level before marriage, who is to tell her not to? It is her prerogative; it’s her life. If she wants to marry before studies and career, it’s still her choice. No girl should allow herself be pressured, both by society or by self, into committing to a forever that she would live {or not} to regret because she was expected to marry at 29 and she just hooked up with the first decent guy that said hello.
In the end, I’ll like to think that life is really about two things: 1. Being happy and 2. Making heaven {I do believe in Heaven and Hell} and in my books, these two are intertwined together. All the hustles we commit to daily is just in pursuit of happiness. If it makes one happy to be gay, so be it. If one’s happiness stems from being single, being married, having family, building a career....whatever drug of choice makes a person happy, nobody else has a right to dictate otherwise. Nobody else except GOD. Every other person can just provide guidance and leave it at that!
Marriage is hard enough with the right person and the right attitude. With the wrong person, its a suicide mission! My two kobo....
What God Has Joined Together...
Labels:
Married Life,
Technology
·
When the electronic mailing system was intoduced years ago, we thought life couldn't be any easier. Communication, hitherto, had involved penning letters to pals across the world or ringing friends on the tabletop telephones {if your folks could afford them}. The convenience of e-mails was second to none and those who couldnt afford a PC, needn't worry as cyber cafes sprouted in every nook and cranny of the country! This was a few years back.
Laptops, mobile web and {relatively} affordable internet data plan later, the world become a really close-knit community. Then, the smartphone Blackberry hit the scene and social life as we know it has never been the same.
A few months ago, I was watching this episode of House, where this lady was dying {but of course} and needed emergency surgery. Her consent was needed to perform the surgery but she was tarrying in giving it because she wanted to sample the opinion of her online friends first before she makes her decision. I remember thinking, “How foolish can a girl be”, considering that her husband, the person whose opinion is supposed to matter the most, was sitting right by her side, begging her to consent to the surgery, begging her to live for him and she was busy tweeting, blogging, face-booking, my-spacing, you-tubing her predicament! I also remembered thinking, “This could only happen in the make-believe world of television”. How wrong I was. I am an example of how wrong I was!
Technology, for all purposes and intents, is meant to ease processes. Since the emergence of these smartphones and tablets on the social scene, communicating amongst friends and lovers has become super simplified. With the social networking apps on those phones, it feels like you have the whole world on the palm of your hands, literally!
I met my Kenyan baby sister @JeriMasala on Twitter…awesome chic…and today, I’m waiting anxiously for the birth of her Precious Cargo in a few days time! Technology gave me this…
I used to log novels and magazines around with me all the time to guard against boredom and brain atrophy. These days, I simply log on to blogs like GISTDOTCOM, ThirdWorldProfashional, Stella’s Addiction, LightHerLamp, ForStyleSake, Bella Naija and Linda Ikeji for my daily fix of quality edutainment. Technology gave me that….
When my kid sister @Labelleace and my hoodfriends @Poshbug and @Eseosaaa left Naija, I thought that was it! Mundane chit-chats would now have to be over the phone and even then, it’ld be hurried convos seeing as the calling party will be watching the airtime being consumed. Yahoo and google chats are even loooon things. With BBM, I got to keep up with Poshbug….heck, I knew when her fiancé proposed to Eseosa; saw the ring sef as though it happened right next to me! When just chatting over messengers is not enough, I get to see my sis face to face as we talk courtesy of Facetime by iPhone. Technology afforded me that….
From the comforts of the restroom, I can easily make a purchase from anywhere in the world. Recently, I acquired this pair of shoes whilst browsing The Shoe Store on Facebook, at a bargain price and with little or no hassles. Technology made that possible.....
Not to forget being able to reach a wider audience should advertising be your area of interest. Technology has done us a wealth of good!!
Now, allow me to introduce y'all to the concept simply known as Tarnishing A Blessing....when someone tries to take undue advantage of a kind act/gesture.
"It's either my crackberry or my marriage! I choose my man.....PING ME NOT!" This, was my blackberry messenger status update a few months back! I kid not! Its really either my BB or my man! The attention i accord that little piece of technology is currently bordering on obsession...it left addiction a long time ago!!! Suddenly, it seems like i spend all my time trying to communicate with my online friends, some of whom i've never met and might never meet rather than communicate with my best half who's been subtly seeking my attention! I called that woman in that House episode foolish but hey, the joke is on me! Somehow, i have morphed into her and while her story is make-believe, mine is a glaring reality! The joke is seriously on me.
So to my baby, today: I pledge/promise to give you
So, i'm going to stop here...just heard himself {forgive me Daks..plus its in small letter sef} come in! But till i blog again, if you are not following this blog, better press your hand on the follow button right now! If you are on twitter, and i'm not following you and most importantly, you are not following me, look for @Zitera...lets do the follow-follow dance! And i promise, that 25% cannot be anything but quality attention! God bless my online friends today!
Toodles....xxx
In Those Early Days of Marriage...
Labels:
Married Life
·
“They” tell you how you need to marry your friend to live happily ever after, how you should marry a God-fearing Christian man that his conscience is still very much intact and so will not “misbehave” after marriage, how you should marry a rich man that will afford your every whims and desires without so much as a grumble! They tell how you need to respect and obey your husband. And they are right...plus they really do mean well for you.
What they never tell you is that the first 365 days of marriage is usually the most turbulent!! Oh yes, they never tell you that. Friend and God-fearing aside, you are usually surprised with the many times non-issues as were while y'all were dating become bones of serious contention between the both of you. Mehn, the early days of marriage requires a lot of getting used to.
They never tell you how the different points of view you thought as soo cute before now could be so glaringly annoyingly frustrating. I kid you not...its a regular battle of will{s} those early days. Scarred from the battles and armed with the life lessons the fights have taught you, in latter days you'll learn to incoporate "I understand and appreciate your opinion but..." into some of the sentences made in those heated moments. "Whatever" is a no-no unless you relish days of really uncomfortable silence {best kill me!}
They never tell you how inconsiderate {matter of opinion} he can get. He sees a nicely arranged stack of his own clothings and he wants to wear the checked Tommy Hilfiger t-shirt at the bottom of that stack. God forbid that one of his hands will hold the stack in place while the other gently removes the aforementioned piece of clothing! Mbanu!!! One hand will be a not-so-innocent bystander while the other will pull the clothing from right under the neat stack!! It is inevitable that the pile will collapse but it is also inevitable that he'll leave the mess there and walk! So yeah, they never tell you how inconsiderate he can be. With time though, you'll learn to quietly leave the "crime" scene and head straight to the restroom armed with a copy of his picture and his favourite footwear, lock the door and slap that likeness within an inch of its life....with his favourite shoe!!!! Justice!!! With time you learn that you do not unlock the door until you have expended all your negative energy. With time, you learn that you come out from that restroom laughing and that he usually joins in to laugh which makes you laugh the harder....you laugh because you are thinking if only he knew what you did to him and he is laughing because, well, he wants to laugh!
They never tell you how you'll have to break out the mortar and pestle every once in a while and pound those yams like their mothers used to do! AYOOLA Poundo Yam will never do...dude is suddenly allergic to processed yam flour and indomie and beans and fries...pretty much everything you know how to cook! In those early days, BBC Foods channel is your best friend. Experiment the hell outta those recipes...what doesn't kill him can only make him and your marriage stronger!!!
They never tell you how late he can be getting home sometimes. Forget the fact that you both used to hang out till pretty late at night. Now y'all are married and you are saddled with the additional responsibility of hustling home once its 6p.m to go prep dinner for your man. In those early days, you'll expect that he'll appreciate you effort by at least coming home early to eat the dinner.
If he gets home by:
8p.m---he gets the biggest hug and sweetest kisses ever; you've missed him!
9p.m---he gets just one brief hug; you've been home since 6pm...what kept him?
10p.m---you still manage to say Welcome and strangely, mean it!
11p.m---See picture below
 |
| The time he gets home determines the weapon! |
Ahhhh, those early days. With time, you learn to let him be and guess what, he realises he'll rather be home with you....hanging out without you suddenly fails to excite!
Awwww shucks...where has the time gone? Continue later. Right now, duty calls! Plus i hate abyssimally long posts...this one was getting long so its just as well! However, do not hesitate to comment your own instances of what they never told you in those early days of marriage!
NB: WHO SAID A PRAYER FOR KAYLA TODAY? Read her story here
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