What's In Your GTH Account?
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As i entered the bank premise, i noticed we had a couple of early customers hanging around, waiting for the bank to open its doors for business. One of them, a lady, looked so very familiar, like we have some sort of history together but i couldn’t place her face, for the life of me. I chucked it up to one of the many faces i encounter everyday in the course of work and went about the business of putting my six-inch heels and my game face on. It wasn’t until i saw my other colleagues hugging and cooing at her that it clicked. I couldn’t blame me tho: there was no way i could’ve recognised that chic without her power suit and high-heeled pumps! Oh yes, she was a former colleague, from another branch. But in the place of sophisticat, i saw a woman that had been beaten down by her circumstances; hard-drawn face, badly applied make-up, hair an absolute mess. I was beyond shocked.
A Cord of Three
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We've been arguing back and forth for a few minutes now and frankly, I’m exhausted. Ok, correction...I've been building my case and He's been listening patiently. But enough already; I’m wearing me out and it doesn't seem like I'm making any progress…as usual. I mentally rolled my eyes.
“The joke is on you,” I huffed but then I remember who I was talking to.
“Ok, I'm sorry I’m giving you lip. I know you don't deserve the attitude I'm sending your way right now but you gotta admit the joke is really on you. You asked that I wait. I waited. Against all odds, I waited. See where that landed me...in a mighty mess. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Learn!” I heard.
“Learn? From who? Deji? Haha! Really, You are supposed to be all-seeing!!!”
“Tanya. Tanya! Tanya!!”
Strange, this would be the first time I actually heard, like audibly heard God call out my name. Usually, its almost nonexistent whispers. And stranger, God's voice didn't sound as ominous as movies make it out to be. This voice sounded mellow, slightly annoying, yet sing-song, almost like...
“Earth to Tanya. Does anyone copy?”
...like Debbie's. Sarcastic…as always!
I snapped out of my reverie to glimpse four friendly albeit worried faces staring back at me. Debbie, Cassie, Lillian, Amaka. My girlfriends…. It was our once-in-a-month luncheon at Café Royale, something we do to keep in touch and catch up on happenings and gossips. That’s the official story. Deep down though, we know one truth: We are each other’s support system.
My Book Of Bible Stories: Joseph
Labels:
My Book Of Bible Stories
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My Book of Bible Stories, anchored by AA @Abyurla is back! I just love how she adds a modern day twist to age old Bible stories so we can easily relate it to our everyday lives. Today’s story is being anchored by a member of #TeamBookofBibleStories @phemyte. Read, enjoy, learn....
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During the week when AA sister informed me I would be taking the sermon today, I wept and asked God why me? Baba Why Me O? *in D-banj’s voice* Who am I to pree-sh to your children? I’m not even worthy to sweep your altar Lord. But then I remembered the men of old, they were in no way perfect. Moses was a stammerer; David was an adulterer; Rahab was a harlot, Bro Paul persecuted the church and many others like that *smoothens beard*. So I came to the conclusion, “God uses a willing vessel and not necessarily the most beautiful.” It don’t matter what you are or where you’ve been, God can and will use you. Can I get an amen? Amen!!
Today, *clears throat* I want to share with you the life of 17 year-old Joseph Jacobs aka JJ aka The Dreamer, born into a polygamous family. His half brothers hated him cos he’s daddy’s boy (dad got him this lovely designer blazer) and he used to brag a lot about his dreams of becoming president. So one day while on business trip to Nigeria with his brothers, they sent him on an errand to a merchant. Unknown to him his brothers had sold him to the merchants to be used as domestic servant. Coincidentally the Nigerian Senate President (Sen. P) needed domestic help or houseboy, he paid the merchants good money for JJ.
After 3mths, Sen. P observed that JJ is godly and skilful in administration, so he made him P.A Special Duties. God was with JJ and everything was going smoothly until one day when devil reared its ugly head. Sen. P’s wife (Mrs. P) had been watching JJ since he came into their house. She noticed he was handsome & even has six packs & toned biceps. Since Sen. P was always in Abuja, she decided to “Set P” with JJ. She began to wink at him, backslapping, laugh at his jokes even if they were dry. Mrs. P would call JJ to serve her wine after she just finished bathing just to seduce him.
One day she BBM-ed JJ, “Sleep with me *wink*”. JJ replied, “Let us fear God ma, my oga trusts me too much for me to thrust his wife” *angel smiley*. Mrs. P decided to take it a notch higher; she told him she would get Sen P to increase his salary, then bought him Bold 5 & Ipad 3 which JJ refused. Choi. I thought to myself, JJ is a dulling somborri, living in a jonzing world. I trust myself *coughs* erm…I mean err…some guys, there will always be electrical fault in Mrs. P’s bedroom, they will be looking for ways to fix her bedroom light bulb, socket. Just to enter madam’s room.
This particular konji haff catch Madam, the agro was unbearable. Sen P had not come visit her in a month; her “toys” were not helping matters again. That’s how Madam tricked JJ into the room when no one was around, grabbed him by the waist, pinned him to the wall with her heavy bosom *choi*. JJ looked at the madam’s oranges, he remembered the pictures from #WorldCleavageDay, he felt a bulge in his pants & started sweating under AC. JJ tried to psyche Mrs P, “Madam relax, no be say I no understand you all these days. I dey catch am as you dey throway am. I just want to be sure”. Mrs P couldn’t believe her ears cos JJ had been refusing all her earlier signals. With his heart pounding in his mouth, he slowly removed his shirt revealing those six packs Madam had been dying for. Mrs. P grinned sheepishly, bit her lower lips sexily, hmmn. JJ noticed his chance, threw his shirt over Mrs. P and quickly unlocked the door.
Mrs. P was furious, a woman scorned! Mrs P thought of calling Sen P but decided to wait till he arrived from Abuja later in the day. Mrs. P showed Sen P JJ’s shirt and told him a well-cooked up version with plenty water-works. Sen. P was enraged; he immediately called the SSS to arrest JJ. Brethren and sistren, that’s how JJ landed in Kirikiri maximum prison...*Sigh*
You don’t believe me abi? Read Gen 37 & 39. How many guys would do what #JoeJacobs did?
What other lessons did you learn? Till another day when I’ll be bringing you another interesting tori, I remain yours truly @phemyte *wipes forehead* Part 2 coming soon
>>>>>> To God Be The Glory <<<<<<<
Really really nice piece from @phemyte. Make sure you follow him on Twitter. Also, if you want to be a vessel, get at @Abyurla and join #TeamBookofBibleStories.
“Your reward won’t only be in Heaven…You will be endearing people to the Bible” @Abyurla
Picture Perfect
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United We Stand, Chets, Zi & I....their father is a staunch unwavering supporter of Wa-Wa Rangers. Go figure!
Don’t let their goofy angelic faces fool you....these two terrorise me daily. But i wouldn’t trade them for anything in this world!
How has everyone been? Its been a minute.
My Book Of Bible Stories
Labels:
Book of Bible Stories,
Guest Feature
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The Bible, brought to you by AA. Sister, leggooo…..
@Abyurla: *Adjusts clerical collar*
Thank You Jesus! Have you said it today? Ok, lemme rap to you guys real quick about Ruth.
There was recession in Judah, Naomi's hubby & her two sons moved toMoab
There was recession in Judah, Naomi's hubby & her two sons moved to
Both sons got jobs and soon married Moabite babes - Orpah & Ruth. 10yrs later, both sons died *sigh* leaving Naomi & both wives behind…no kids yet.
Naomi began to reflect & soon enough decided to move back home...she had heard on CNN & also read some blogs…the recession had finally abated. Praise God!
At the end of the mourning period, the three set out forJudah
Dunno o, maybe Orpah had a new admirer and was hoping this would happen, but she first formed shantgree but eventually carried her kaya, hugged Naomi and Ruth and left.
Ruth ADAMANTLY refused to go. She stayed with Naomi. She prolly just didn't think it right to abandon Naomi after all the hard blows the poor woman had suffered. Loyalty
But Ruth said, "Don't force me to leave you; don't make me go home. Where you go, I’ll go; and where you live, I’ll leave. Your people are my people; your God is my God. Where you die, I'll die, and that's where I'll be buried, so help me God-not even death itself is going to come between us!” http://bible.us/Ruth1.17.MSG
Naomi began to reflect & soon enough decided to move back home...she had heard on CNN & also read some blogs…the recession had finally abated. Praise God!
At the end of the mourning period, the three set out for
Dunno o, maybe Orpah had a new admirer and was hoping this would happen, but she first formed shantgree but eventually carried her kaya, hugged Naomi and Ruth and left.
Ruth ADAMANTLY refused to go. She stayed with Naomi. She prolly just didn't think it right to abandon Naomi after all the hard blows the poor woman had suffered. Loyalty
But Ruth said, "Don't force me to leave you; don't make me go home. Where you go, I’ll go; and where you live, I’ll leave. Your people are my people; your God is my God. Where you die, I'll die, and that's where I'll be buried, so help me God-not even death itself is going to come between us!” http://bible.us/Ruth1.17.MSG
On arrival, someone must have recognized Naomi because before they could even pick their checked-in luggage, a picture of her & Ruth was already on LIB [Linda Ikeji Blog] & LLB [Ladun Liadi Blog]. Hahahahahahaha….
A “friend” later sent her the links to alert her. She read a few of the comments, sighed & added hers "Don't call me Naomi; call me Bitter ..." Awwwwwww [Naomi means Beautiful, Pleasant in Hebrew] Thanks Google.
Ruth is super-sensitive of the fact that Naomi may not be able to fend for them so she goes job-hunting amidst stares & yimus. She got one. Yaaay!
Turns out Ruth's employer, Boaz is her late hubby's family & is a good, caring, honorable & rich man. Ruth is also decent, diligent & obedient. I'm sure this also exists inNigeria ; the culture of the nearest male relative marrying the widow exists in Judah
Naomi tells Ruth what to do to set the ball rolling, “Take a bath. Put on some perfume. Dress up, go to the threshing floor...lie at Boaz' feet!”
If na babes of nowadays, na her looks & awayian accent Ruth go dey take do sprespre up & down, no go even hear wetin Naomi dey yarn am again. Hahahahahahaha….
*Naomi pulls her right ear* “I didn't say u should go and twitpic you & him while he's asleep o. Wait & see what he says. He'll tell u what to do.” LWKMD!
She went. When she got there, she said, “I am Ruth, your maiden; take me under your protection. You are my relative & in the circle of covenant redeemers, you have the right to marry me”.
If Ruth thought her mother-in-law was a little crazy, she didn’t let it show. She simply replied “I will do whatever you say.” And she did.
Ruth, sharp girl! Boaz, sharp guy! Before you could say GBAM, him don begin follow due protocol to marry Ruth. Court wedding, twitpic, DP, honeymoon☺.
Ruth born boy [Obed]. Trust the anonymous commenters to get busy:
A “friend” later sent her the links to alert her. She read a few of the comments, sighed & added hers "Don't call me Naomi; call me Bitter ..." Awwwwwww [Naomi means Beautiful, Pleasant in Hebrew] Thanks Google.
Ruth is super-sensitive of the fact that Naomi may not be able to fend for them so she goes job-hunting amidst stares & yimus. She got one. Yaaay!
Turns out Ruth's employer, Boaz is her late hubby's family & is a good, caring, honorable & rich man. Ruth is also decent, diligent & obedient. I'm sure this also exists in
Naomi tells Ruth what to do to set the ball rolling, “Take a bath. Put on some perfume. Dress up, go to the threshing floor...lie at Boaz' feet!”
If na babes of nowadays, na her looks & awayian accent Ruth go dey take do sprespre up & down, no go even hear wetin Naomi dey yarn am again. Hahahahahahaha….
*Naomi pulls her right ear* “I didn't say u should go and twitpic you & him while he's asleep o. Wait & see what he says. He'll tell u what to do.” LWKMD!
She went. When she got there, she said, “I am Ruth, your maiden; take me under your protection. You are my relative & in the circle of covenant redeemers, you have the right to marry me”.
If Ruth thought her mother-in-law was a little crazy, she didn’t let it show. She simply replied “I will do whatever you say.” And she did.
Ruth, sharp girl! Boaz, sharp guy! Before you could say GBAM, him don begin follow due protocol to marry Ruth. Court wedding, twitpic, DP, honeymoon☺.
Ruth born boy [Obed]. Trust the anonymous commenters to get busy:
“e don reach 9mths already?”…
“ah Naomi, God don turn your sadness to joy”…
“Abokoku!”…
LMAO
LMAO
Ruth didn’t even send “haters”. Little did she know she was going be so great...King David's grandma & part of Jesus' family tree. Learn people!
I dedicate this story & say a big God bless you & kudos to the Ruths & Boazes out there - loyal, diligent, committed, good character.
Pls share lessons learnt & ponder: Ladies, would you act like Ruth or like Orpah? Guys, would you act like Boaz and not take advantage of Ruth?
Pls share lessons learnt & ponder: Ladies, would you act like Ruth or like Orpah? Guys, would you act like Boaz and not take advantage of Ruth?
Thank u for being such an attentive audience...Till another day when I bring you anoda tori...Pastor AA(Yummy) signing out.
Hilarious piece yes, but the strong message therein cannot be mistaken. Are you a Ruth, tenacious and loyal, destined for greatness and courageously worked towards it; or are you an Orpah, flaky and flighty at the first sign of hardship?
If I’m totally honest with myself, I am 80% an Orpah than a Ruth. I get too caught up in whats happening in the moment to see the long term benefit of situations. Today, I ask for His grace. God knows I need it!
Thank you, AA.
Follow her on Twitter @Abyurla. You’ll be glad you did!
A Voice From The Grave: RIP Ogochukwu nee Onugu
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[31/10/1976-27/02/2012]
Survived by Husband and her two Children
This letter from the grave is a MUST READ. Please read it here
"I am gone forever. But if one woman, just one woman will learn from my story, then maybe i woukd not have gone in vain!"
One of us.....
Chioma O said: Our society wont just allow people to take decisions for themselves. This eye service does not work because of "What will they say?" Who are THEY? Are THEY with you when you recieve the beatings and the torture? Domestic Violence should not be tolerated! Run for your life!
Waga said: For those of you who remember Ogochukwu Onugu from University Secondary School, Nsukka 1993 set. This is a sad reflection of how horrible some men can be. I am ashamed to call myself a man after reading this. God help us all to choose the life partner He made for us.
Dana said: Nice, quiet girl. I remember her very well. Women please listen and run while you can. May her soul rest in peace!
Domestic Violence Should Not Be Tolerated. Women, empower yourselves!
Life's Many Curveballs
Labels:
Fiction
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Long post alert. There, you’ve been duly warned!
I stood, staring into space in front of the dressing mirror, wondering how & when things got this bad. Where had i gone wrong? Which step in the grand plan for our future did i miss? Where did it go awry? These questions i pondered as i stood there, sad, angry, lonely, hurt. I made to turn away from the apologetic image of myself in the mirror...and caught sight of the tray of food Obim hurled at me in anger as he stormed out of the room some minutes ago! And that was when the dam broke free. I wept!
I wept like i had never in a long time, like i never allowed myself to. I cried for all those nights i hugged myself tight and rocked myself to sleep, praying things would get better between us. I wept mostly because i miss the man i married, the man that was my pillar of support, my partner, my best friend...the man i consider gone forever. Most importantly, i cried because in some twisted way, this was entirely my fault.
Life didn’t use to be this chaotic in my household. Once upon a time, we were the subject of envy amongst our peers. Hubby had a great job as Senior Manager in his Bank. I wasn’t doing poorly myself. We had everything we wanted: well-paying jobs, nice house in a posh estate and the most adorable 6 year old! Life was great. Sigh! The curveball life throws at you when you least expects it…
I came home from school run that fateful day and there was Obim’s car parked at home. Now this is strange because he’s never ever home at that time of the day. Well, almost never except when he’s ill. But he was fine when he left for work this morning, i reminded myself, trying to shake the uneasy feeling that just washed over me. I entered the house and met him sitting on the floor in our bedroom, head hung, with hands on either side of it.
“Honey, are you ok?” I asked. He said nothing. I asked again and he mumbled some gibberish.
“Huh? Are you sick? Did someone die?”
Then i remember my mother-in-law has been feeling poorly...
“Is Mama....?” I started to ask.
“...was fired” He interrupted mid-question.
“Huh?” I went again, this time in confusion. “Fire? Your office caught fire? How? When? Was anyone injur....”
“I WAS FIRED”, he exploded!
I nodded, once, twice, calmly...almost too calmly [Shock will do that to anyone]. Yea, i totally heard him the first time. A burning building just made more sense at the time.
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