HHC: Another One Bits The Dust
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House-Help Chronicles
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One month ago, on a certain wednesday morning, Happiness walked out on my household. No, not happiness the feeling. Yes, Happiness the nanny. She upped and left that day and *who am I kidding?* took my happiness, the feeling, with her!
Happiness was the nanny I never mess with and absolutely do not allow anybody mess with her! She took care of my kids like her own...or so I thought! A mother of three boys, Zi was like the little girl she didn't have. Heck, Zi called both of us Mummy equally...anyone within hearing distance answers her call.
Happiness was a lifeline and even though I didn't outrightly say this to her, I always made sure she knew how much I appreciated her efforts from my actions.
Happiness was more than my children's nanny to me. Yes, she was much more...Happiness was my friend!
Happiness stole out of my house and my life unannounced that fateful morning as I left for work, leaving my kids stranded in school! No warning! NONE AT ALL!!!
That day, I couldn't eat. I couldn't summon even the tiniest of appetites. I had this bitter ugly taste in my mouth. It took a while to realize what that taste was. Betrayal! It tastes like garbage, mixed with a generous dollop of really sour mayonnaise and served, wrapped in trash!
I will not even front...I cried. The only other time I cried over a heartbreak so deep-seated it physically hurt in my chest was when my boyfriend of many years decided, all by his lone self, that we needed a break (the boyfriend is now the hubby and I still haven't forgiven him for those tears).
With Happiness, kai, I was floored. I didn't know what to think; who to blame!
I blamed myself..maybe I have MPD such that after I slush off to bed, Cruella Devile, complete with claws and vampira dentition, emerges to torment these people.
I blamed my son..maybe this pint-size barely-four-year old boy is really a "problem child", rude and unruly to the point of driving grown ass women from my home.
I blamed my driver..beneath his dumbo cant-hurt-a-fly exterior, he really might be a househelp-molester.
I blamed everybody except for the person that thought I didn't deserve the courtesy of information. It took me a month to realise that laying blames and wondering where I got it wrong was an effort in futility. Like Toinlicious or was it CoyIntrovert tweeted, these people come wired with special effects. Nothing you do is gonna ever satisfy them! It also took me a while to realise nothing is wrong with me...infact I'm the mellow-est of 'madams' I know. Nothing is wrong with my son...he has just plain refused to be bullied. And finally, my driver has not given me reason to suspect he's into diddling helps.
It took me a month to be ok with her actions (no word from her as yet); it took me a month to let the hurt go; it took a month to bring myself to blog it!
And this day that it clocked exactly one month (a week ago), Mary packed her things to leave...same MO! And this time round, I had the last laugh. I laughed so hard, I nearly peed my dross. Even now, I have a small smile on my face! Because as she was about to abscond, I got wind of it, got someone to hold her down and made a mad dash home! How I handled that situation is post for another day. BUT she left...still...shocked to her marrows and I chuckle...still...each time I remember the circumstances of her exit! I'm done rolling over and playing dead! Last I checked, that tree at my backyard never begin shed money! Oloshi{s}.
[If you have any househelp tales that could educate mothers on signs not to ignore in a help amongst other things, please send to 21stcenturycareermom@gmail.com. It’ll be hugely appreciated. You never know whose life or marriage it might save!]
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Ok, that is all for today. Lemme now go and make Sunday rice before Chets crucifies me for tarrying! Blog soonest....xx
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16 comments:
men! the life of a working mother and nannies!!! this childcare business... Lord help us!!!
Nothing do you!
Sorry to hear that. But you and your househelps and nannies sha!
Just wondering, could it be the way you treat them? You make it sound all too sweet and their actions just don't add up to the way you speak about your relationship with them, perhaps you should do some self searching, pls don't get offended...just saying
Awwwww, sorry dear. Hope you get another nanny soon and one that would last. Compliment of the season.
Thank you @aloted. Only God will help us.
@Anonymous, i get where you are coming from and i totally understand. Believe me, i thought i was the problem and unless i become a doormat, i've more or les bent over backwards in working with helps...mostly for the sake of my children. If i treat them bad, i wont have anyone to blame if they turned around and took it out on my kids. As God is my witness, i do not maltreat anybody!!! I'm just unfortunate with the ones i've had.
Oh, and this shit happen to a lot of career mothers. A lot. Some have a turnover of 4 helps in a month. I just happen to be vocal about mine!
@Che Compliments hun. I pray i do. But in the meantime, i know i'm taking off work for a bit to go sort the homefront! At some point, life has to be less about money and more about family!
Sorry about the turmoil. I hope you find another nanny soon.
Aww, *hugs* ,i understand you completely i felt the same betrayal when my help that had been with me for almost three years decided she was leaving suddenly, who treated my kid like her own, she was 19 and really good we were sending her to evening school she was a part of the family in every way, we brought her phone clothes everything, we even sent gifts to her folks and called them regularly we had such big plans for her..she came back from home in Jan of that year after she had resumed school for a week, she woke up one morning and said she was going, i spoke to her my husband spoke to her ..dead end, we called her father and he said he would talk to her , she refused to be convinced and still left, we were owing her about 20k , she asked us to pay it into her account..i was shocked my village babe that i had polished and opened an account for.. she did call once or twice to speak to my son and that was all.. its been three years and we just learnt about a month ago that she went back because of a boy the bot finally got her pregnant an now she is married in abject penury, worse still her father died soon after (i remember now that the week she returned she was always making midnight calls and was real moody, apparently she was in love)..i was sad, i wanted so much more for her, she was a sweet girl she really was, i pray for her God will make a way for her in her hardship...so Hazel..i feel you well, don't worry you will recover i promise...
Sorry to hear that, but like the earlier anonymous, i think you should be true to yourself and do some soul searching! Your statement that your son has refused to be bullied leaves alot to think about and ponder at!
I know these nannies can be something else, but they all have the good sides!Why do they keep running away?This is like the 3rd one that is running!!!!The other time you said you gave your nanny perfume for christmas????How about giving a bag of rice instead????
Jemima's story is not like yours....in her case the girl was in love, that's not like yours!Truth be told, we all know that love relationship that make us go crazy right?Am sure someday Jemima's nanny would come to her senses!!!!
At least her nanny has called and yours has not called!!!!
Am not blaming you but i believe in the principle of to thy own self be true....
@Myne Thanks dear. Its well really!
@Jemima That's so crazy. Sometimes, you just feel like all your goodwill is just matched and spat on! At the end of the day, what matters is a clear conscience.
@Anon2 I'm done searching my soul. Yes, my son has refused to be bullied. Read this post http://hazel-muses.blogspot.com/2011/03/21st-century-dilemma-career-vs-family.html?m=0 and you'll see the sort of evil he has had to endure.
The househelp that got perfume also got a bag of rice with it! The first help that ran away said her agent told her to stay for just 2 months. The second one said she can't be running after kids in church. Mary's complaint was that the 2nd help I got to assist her was earning more than her. All good reasons to leave. My problem is why not inform me? Why run away? Am I a prison warden??
Jemmima's story is diff, yes. But the point she's making is that for some of them, no matter how well you treat them (or you think you treat them), they still do what they want to do!
@ Hazel: I agree with you that family is more important than every other thing. I hope you get it all sorted out soon. Take care dear.
There is no reason to place blames here.
Helps, just like their employers, are people with personal issues and ties to places other than those they work for. I know many people whose helps, mainly females had disappeared without warnings. A lot of times, the main complain is related to sexual abuse or advances from the man of the house or another man in the same premises. In cases as such, others find ways to deal with it while some see no reason in putting up with it and plan an escape. When it comes to the topic of children, I can understand how some of these helps feel. Today's children are given so much more freedom to express themselves while limiting disciplinary actions. Many mothers work just as much as fathers and find it hard to be fully involved in the molding of their children. The helps who are put in that position, can't fulfill that role because of limited rights placed on them by the parents. This results in frustrations that they feel they can live without. Decades before us, mothers rarely worked and if they did, it wasn't as much as today. So they were very involved in the daily upbringing of their children. Many behaviors a child displays in front of the helps, they know not to do so with their parents.
With helps being in high demand, particularly Lagos, many of them seek out places with families who has slightly more basic requirements.
Take heart sha. You are not alone. I will only recommend you nip any thing you think might have been a problem before the next helps comes. I have started looking for a house-help in the UK as well. We think its best we get someone now so when the children starts coming, they will make that transition with us. The issue is finding the right person you want to open your doors to in this country. Many issues people in the UK have is finding someone who will go and come because most people you interview want to live in. A friend has been searching for over 12 months now. 2 others had to bring someone from naija. I don't want to go that route yet. I pray you have more luck with the next person!
@MrsNewlywed Two words: THANK YOU. Somehow, you captured the whole essense of the employer-househelp relationship!
Aww nanny and househelp wahala cannot be beat. They are necessary evils. I have not had a bad experience,but I have heard how other people have suffered at their hands. All the best getting another one
*sigh* This nanny wahala en. Like Jemima's story, no matter how well you treat them, they almost always have issues. I hope you get a stable one soon. My sister's nanny is like a family member & hopefully, she doesn't misbehave. My sister is even worried dat her last born is too attached to her & it might be an issue when she eventually has to leave. I feel for Jemimi's girl cos she sure regrets her move now.
eya, I really feel for you. I have tried to baby sit my nephews for a day and wasn't finding it funny, and can imagine what you are going through with work and all.
I hope you get another one soon, and just want to say that no matter how nice you are (or not) you can never satisfy anyone. Just be yourself
These Helps!!!! Gave up being nice after the last one left o. Now I'm Cruella Devil and some more and its appears being Cruella is yielding more positive results. I actually warned the one with me now that I'd hunt her down and kill her if she ever left my kids unattended to go and 'throw away the rubbish'!
When she saw the veins in my neck, she advised herself and has focused on her job.
Also helps that my daughter is a NUMBER 1 CNN, nothing goes unreported - and i encourage her well, well! Awon oloshi!! Nonsense and ingredients!
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