A Cord of Three
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We've been arguing back and forth for a few minutes now and frankly, I’m exhausted. Ok, correction...I've been building my case and He's been listening patiently. But enough already; I’m wearing me out and it doesn't seem like I'm making any progress…as usual. I mentally rolled my eyes.
“The joke is on you,” I huffed but then I remember who I was talking to.
“Ok, I'm sorry I’m giving you lip. I know you don't deserve the attitude I'm sending your way right now but you gotta admit the joke is really on you. You asked that I wait. I waited. Against all odds, I waited. See where that landed me...in a mighty mess. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Learn!” I heard.
“Learn? From who? Deji? Haha! Really, You are supposed to be all-seeing!!!”
“Tanya. Tanya! Tanya!!”
Strange, this would be the first time I actually heard, like audibly heard God call out my name. Usually, its almost nonexistent whispers. And stranger, God's voice didn't sound as ominous as movies make it out to be. This voice sounded mellow, slightly annoying, yet sing-song, almost like...
“Earth to Tanya. Does anyone copy?”
...like Debbie's. Sarcastic…as always!
I snapped out of my reverie to glimpse four friendly albeit worried faces staring back at me. Debbie, Cassie, Lillian, Amaka. My girlfriends…. It was our once-in-a-month luncheon at Café Royale, something we do to keep in touch and catch up on happenings and gossips. That’s the official story. Deep down though, we know one truth: We are each other’s support system.
"You were gone for a bit there", Cass softly remarked. "Debbie all but screamed your name and barely got a response. What's bugging you sweetie?"
Cassie is my best friend. How this friendship came about is a really long story. In summary though, two words: love triangle. There was a beautiful, innocent (or so I thought) sans-sex relationship between a boy B and a girl A (me) and there's was a side definitely-not-sans-sex relationship between boy B and girl C (Cass). It was a messy situation after I found out. I don't even remember who the boy was but Cass and I, we put a band-aid on our differences and moved on….one of my best decisions ever. She listens. She understands. She doesn't judge. She balances me. She's forever trying to get me to "loosen" up and I'm forever trying to convince pack up her excesses and come soldier for Christ. Strange mix two of us, but still, she's my best friend. I wouldn't want it any other way.
“I know you very well, Anya, remember? I know when something is bugging you.” Cass reiterated.
“I'm fine really,” I maintained.
"This down-in-the-dumps mood is a stretch, even for u, Tee", Amaka chirped in, sucking on her Chapman as though her entire existence depended on it.
“Yea,” Lillian agreed. “If you look any bluer, you could pass for Chealsea jersey. Whatever happened to your newly-wed glow? You just bagged a hunk, so you cannot be depressed about not having a man in your life. That's for me and this loser Debbie to worry about.” The last bit, she muttered under her breath. Debbie eyed her and continued picking at her nail polish.
I smiled; Lilli will never change. She calls it as it is and sometimes, it can be quite irritating. Most times though, she means well and you can always count on her to tell you the truth. That’s what we love the most about her.
“You married the heir to a dynasty, so money can't possibly be the problem,” she continued. I silently acquiesced that point. I don’t lack for money. “You two are so in love with each other it’s unbearably disgusting to watch, especially for the less fortunate…like Debbie and I.” Really, Lillian can be like a dog with a bone sometimes. “So pardon my French but what in fuck's name is wrong with you?”
“Fuck!” I burst out in uncontrollable laughter.
The table was stunned. Usually, the f-word or any of its expletive cousins set me off in a bad way. That the f-word actually emanated from my lips and that i followed up with a laughter, was so outta character, it was worrisome for them. Their reaction made me laugh all the more; I swear is was beginning to border on hysteria. If only they knew….
Fuck, lack of it...that is, was really my problem. Maybe not that exact word but for now, right this moment, it’ll have to do. My husband, the hunk, the catch of the century, the heir-apparent to the family dynasty does his conjugal business in half the time it takes a pack of noodles to cook…and I mean the 2-minutes variety.
I remember our first time together. It was our wedding night. I had waited almost forever and a day for this night. I had had the wedding planner set up the perfect romantic atmosphere in the room and i couldn’t wait to get started. I had barely even started and he was done! You know that exhilarating, earth-shaking, heart-jump-out-of-chest-cavity, toe-curling, intense and unrestrained excitement most romance novels say I was supposed feel when that time came, I didn’t even smell it. Let’s not talk about feeling right now. I think he must’ve spied the really bewildered, really, really, majorly disappointed look on my face because he started apologizing profusely. He was sure it was tiredness from the wedding ceremony and celebration, he reasoned. He promised to make up for it and give me the wedding night of my life tomorrow, all through our honeymoon and forever, if I forgave him.
See, this marriage is NOT an arrangee marriage. I did not marry him for his money. I genuinely genuinely love this man and he feels the same way about me. He is my soul-mate. He respected my wishes when I said I didn't want to indulge in premarital sex and he hung in there with me. The chemistry between us was/is amazeballs, it took nearly all our energy to desist from giving in to temptation. So, it wasn't so hard to understand how tiredness [from the madness of the wedding] and suppressed sex drive could make a man, errrm, cook noodles on his first night together with the love of his life!
But that was five months ago….and every other night after that day, till date. I am truly shocked this is my reality…like, the chemistry between us is amazeballs. How come it is not translating to great sex? He is frustrated. I am beyond frustrated [at least he’s still gets off!!!!].
“Though one may be defeated, two may defend themselves but a cord of three cannot be easily broken…”
This matter is really now between me and God. He said to flee fornication. I obeyed His words and co-op’d Deji into doing same. Where our mates were sampling the “goods” before “purchasing”, we obeyed God. I do not regret waiting, not for one minute but here’s a real life challenge. Sexual gratification is very crucial in marriages. If you don't believe me, ask some unfaithful partners...they’ll totally concur. Where do we go from here?
“Learn.” I hear again. “Learn to make it better.”
Question is: What or where or from whom do I learn how to make sex better between us, so the love of my life won’t have to worry so much about not being able to sexually satisfy his wife? What or where or from whom do I learn from and not sin against God? Friends? Porn flicks? Books?
Where does a girl learn to make the sex better in her marriage without desecrating the sanctity of her marriage?
Disclaimer: This is FICTION but it is someone’s reality....many someones in fact. And so, i would really appreciate your comments and inputs. Thank you in advance. Bless...x
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9 comments:
Good question, I'd like to know too...:D
Good to see more of u around here in the past few days, Hazel...:)
There are so manny options to getting information without desecrating the sanctity of her marriage. A) Chrisitian marriage counsellors, I know it sounds ... But they r really out there. B) Books, which d couple can read together - a very goodd one is 'The Act of Marriage' Tim & Beverly LaHaye
I feel d best way is to discuss with ur spouse abt ur feelings n how he can make u feel better. Forever multi maca can also boost his sexual energy for longer performance.a
I concur, the Act of marriage is one very good book. Every married person should read it. Celebration of sex by douglas e rosenau is another good one. Question is, is it a physiological challenge, if it is then nature's way horny goat weed is a good supplement and I gather from our patients, if he doesn't want to take something oral, there are some sprays that delay ejaculation eg stud 100. Akri, its me, ur roomie
Hmmmm.....things are happening.
I believe that learning is not necessarily about getting info from external sources; you can learn from each other. Get to make foreplay last for as long as you can, and make him understand that he needs to control himself to appreciate the pleasure he is giving you. Hope this helps. www.asingleparentsjourney.blogspot.com
But surely this should not be a problem? I mean her frustration? He can give her a big O through oral sex, and even some major foreplay can go a long way. As for him to last longer, others have mentioned some drugs. They can also go for counselling and sex therapy.
She need to tell him how she really feels. In the end, love doesn't always solve everything!
It could also be that he has a medical issue that results in premature bliss on his part. In addition to all the other suggestions I would strongly suggest consulting a doctor who specialises in men's health.
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