That Time of the Year...


*In Eminem voice*
“Guess who’s back...
Back again...
Hazel’s back...
Tell a friend...”

Okay, okay...lemme stop fooling around and get down to biznit. What I have to say today is tres important. Imagine I had to take time off my self-imposed sabbatical to blog about this. That’s how importa-mkpa it is.
Ladies, if you are married and a parent to school age kids (plural oooo), September is the time to love the heck outta your husband (...or whoever pays the piper). I know you love him already but at this time, you up the ante on loving. Tell, touch, kiss, hug, sex, cook, clean...the whole nine yards and jara! You do not wait for the opportunity to show him....no. You create the opportunity and it best be every other minute of the day...until his September payday, at the very least. Then, you can go back to showing him regular love ‘cos I can bet you even a Stanford Wife (original) does not come wired with stamina for such extended service.


I mean, it’s all fun and games when summer time rolls by. Vacation meets the Amazing Trio: Credit card, Debit card, Cash! Nothing says fun like chortling excited kids and retail therapy! The kids need the time off, and you could really use a break...justification right there. And before you even get the chance to unpack your bagful of duty-free chocolates, it is time for Back-to-School. Hello School Fees... 
When I saw the school fees quote for Chets and Zi, my heart dropped all the way to my Kente slippers! Whaaaaaaat?! The hubby had called to find out how much it was so he can organize his finances. That one of the things I love about him...organized finances. Anyways, I couldn’t readily access the paper so I told him it was the usual; the usual being a little above 300L. When I eventually found and peeped the amount, liver cut! I couldn’t tell him. I placed the paper strategically on the dresser. Let his eyes tell him, biko!

We paid the fees today. I offered to go along. I usually don’t but this one heavy small. I had words like “Odogwu” and “Nwoke e ji eje mba” accompany every sigh that unknowingly escape him. His lower leg muscles hurt a bit from all the walks he’s been taking recently so it made perfect sense to rub his thighs gently, soothingly as he slotted his card into the school POS right? When the debit alert hit his mobile and he said, “You know, this single amount I just paid saw me through nursery school to university...and my mother even had some change sef”, who else but his biggest fan will get the joke and laugh the hardest? I even threw in a “That is, ehn” into the mix, for easy digestion! Ko easy, ra ra.
I remembered to ask for a discount since I have a second child in same school. I was calmly informed that discounts are only given on the third child fees. Haha! Third child, ehkwa? One, Two, Three? Hahahaha. Unu ga eche. There’s a new contraceptive in town. It’s called SchoolFees by APSL Pharmaceutical...(Association of Private Schools in Lagos).

Boo, o jare, if you ever read this (of course i’ll make sure you do), I love you to bits! For everything you do...and cannot do...for us. If I have to choose all over again, it’ll be the same choice. Thank you for everything!
 
***************************
Oooookay. Y’all see i’ve created an opportunity to love, ehn? Oya, boys and girls, drop a comment and go create an opportunity to love. Until the next time, toodles.
*crawls back into...*

Oh, I know y’all have been waiting for the concluding part to my last post. So have I. Crazy, init? But the sister is still in a coma and we will have that concluding part as soon as she wakes. Deal? Deal! Ok.

*crawls back into shell*

 

42 comments:

Gbemisoke said...

Hahaha.
Odogwu! Nwoke e ji ejemba!
I've learnt new titles for my Chairman today.

More power to your elbow, especially as you prepare to take advantage of the third child discount. Scratch all that SchoolFees by APSL gist abeg. Be fruitful and multiply! Tehehehehe

Beddings'n'Beyond said...

@Gbemisoke Hahhahahahaha. Third child discount ko. Abeg, free a sista...for now sha

Hazel said...

@Gbemisoke Hahhahahahaha. Third child discount ko. Abeg, free a sista...for now sha

downtheaisle said...

3rd child discount ko,3rd child discount ni...see biz strategy o! i remember going for babcock grad and dere was an award for d parent wit d most children in d uni...i tot dat was hilarious...obviously nt funny for d man's pocket

Demi Oyewo said...

You this gal, you are just funny! Wish I had read this a month ago when I was trying to get hubby to move the kids to Chet's skull. After all my preaching about the pros of the skull when he asked about the fees his response was like 'atinuke, let's wait till nife is in pry one next session''. Anyway next session I will be armed with d reqd artillery .

Smears Of Ochre said...

LOL! That new contraceptive tdjo!! Is the truth!! But do go on and get that discount girl :). Also, get back out of that shell now!

Jemima said...

Lol @ new contraceptives...please our continuation o

Hazel said...

@ DTA Biz strategy is so right! So mean. Like, why not start on the 2nd child so I'll be motivated to bring forth the third?

Hazel said...

LOL Demi. Glad to have been of service to ya. Tihehee

Hazel said...

@SOO I'll rest this discount for now. Lol. Thanks for stopping by.

Hazel said...

@Jemima, I know I won't rest until I deliver that continuation to ya! Working on it atm...

HoneyDame said...

*trying to catch my breath without much success* lmaooo. Oh Hazel!!! Lmaoo. This was just a funny read, outright! But really sha, odikwa serious something o!!! That school fees ish is just on d very real. Discussing d price hike in my secondary skool has been d highlight of my holiday so far. I am talking abt some almost 400% increase! It is indeed well. God bless u and be with u as u take Gbemisoke's advice. Third is the charm, buhahahahahha.

Cake and Socks said...

"I had words like “Odogwu” and “Nwoke e ji eje mba” accompany every sigh that unknowingly escape him."

Nne you are one wise lady!!! You really have them skills... i will take a cue from you o!

lol @ Gbemisoke .

Diva said...

Smart girl!! Odiro easy at all.....
I laughed from start to finish. Jisike nne!!

ANGEL said...

Smart wife . More tips biko. lol

Stories Trending Now said...

Nice Blog and Article.
My First Time on your Blog and I love Your Works.

Toinlicious said...

Lmaooooo oh Hazel. Pele. God will continue to bless you and chairman. Each time I tease/harass my sister who has 2kids already to gime twins, she just throws me daggers with her eyes. Odiro easy mehn.

So september loving ba? *double check* so no b June baby b dat? Issokay *mentally planning baby shower already*

En enn, make dis babe wake from coma na haba

Unknown said...

so true, paying school fees for the first time for my one and a half year old son...d hubby and myself don.quarrel....I will try your strategy next term...but school fees for one year was my fees in uni...odikwa risky.....

~Sirius~ said...

Hmmmm, I keep hearing these horror stories about school fees. Biko, let me enjoy this grace period.

Luciano said...

hahahahahaha........odiro easy at all. God will continue to bless and increase him in Jesus name.
ermmmm, the number 3 thing is not a bad idea at all *runs away*

kimqhc said...

i live in abuja.i'v heard of people paying 1.5 million 4 nursery school fees. My friend says he is home schoolin his kids as he cant do armed robbery to support his legitimate work!

Hazel said...

Its just ridiculous @HoneyDame, the amounts parents shell out on school fees. Third is a charm, abi? I'm watching you!

Hazel said...

Lol. Thanks Diva...x

Hazel said...

Oooooh, thank you @STN. Visit again!

Hazel said...

@Toin Free a sista joor! How can you already be planning a baby shower? Issnogud oo!

Hazel said...

It really isn't easy on the husbands. They get on the edge, unknowingly of course, so it easy for them to flip. Its really nothing personal...just school fees!

Hazel said...

Enjoy your grace period @~Sirius~. Just enjoy it!

Hazel said...

Oh wow!!! 1.5m for nursery school fees?!! What?!!! Na to home school all my children be that!!!

chisom said...

Zitera e gha egbu mmadu oo!!! Buahahahaahahahaa!! "Nwoke eji eje mba" "odogwu"!! Okwa maka schl fees? Lmao!! I had tears in my eyes after reading dat bit! But dis una schl fees sha cost o! Might as well be studing abroad!! I will tell my hubby dis story so that he'll b grateful for the "much" he is paying!!

aloted said...

chei...this is a seirous matter o...but u made it as funny as ever..

third child discount...as in seriously???

Becqui Nicholas said...

Hahahaha very funny post but ehn,this school fees ish is serious oo..showing your hubby extra love when his bank acct is about to be injured is a sure way of making him not think too much about it.. U're smart joor

MsJB said...

LOL 3rd child discount ke? They are not serious.
LOL I'm sure your hubby will be laughing when he reads this.
You're so funny :)

Fluffycutething said...

LMAO i no even know wetin to comment LOL

Toinlicious said...

Oya come and blog jor! han han

TrendySturvs said...

Nice blog
http://trendysturvs.blogspot.com

LagosMums said...

Just came across your blog today. Nice blog!

Ha I thought discount applied once there was more than one child in the school...3rd child discount is a new one o!

LagosMums said...

Just came across your blog today. Nice blog!

Ha I thought discount applied once there was more than one child in the school...3rd child discount is a new one o!

LagosMums said...

Just came across your blog today. Nice blog!

Ha I thought discount applied once there was more than one child in the school...3rd child discount is a new one o!

Rowzlyn said...

good contraceptive! biko what is happening in that ur shell sef?

Binie said...

Contraceptive of life wow !

Ma Petite Niche said...

this is why some african parents almost have a brain aneurysm when the child grows up and doesn't want to persue a blue collar job education lol....good schools is a big investment!
www.mapetiteniche.blogspot.com

'Ces said...

first time here and trying to read as many posts as I can tonight.
you are right about school fees being a contraceptive. I recently thought I could be pregnant and all my husband wailed about was school fees.

congratulations on your award.(googled Nigerian parenting blogs)