Much Ado About The KGs

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It’s become an obsession. Show me that group of 2-3 ladies and I can tell you authoritatively that the discussion will eventually turn to weight loss.
The year was 2005. The place was a salon in Port Harcourt. The owner of the salon was in her early 30s and very chic. Through the forty five or so minutes I spent there, she was on the phone chatting about how much weight she had lost and what she used, would use or will continue to use. I remember thinking: Why won’t this woman just give herself a break? After 3 kids, she’s still making weight loss priority. Little did I know! Sighs!
The year is 2010. Marriage, pregnancies (yes, plural!) and childbirths down the road, I am the one obsessing about weight loss.
The weight loss business/industry is one that won’t slow down, considering that most of us will not stop eating and there’s little or no time (or just plain laziness) to exercise. From weight loss pills, to diets, to herbal concoctions, to forums, to exercise; from GNLD and FLP products, to Quincy Herbal Slimming, to St. Eve’s Concept (lose 3-5kg in 7 days or money back guarantee); from Acai Berry (popularized by Oprah), to QuickTrim (endorsed by the Kardashians), to Seawidslim and to, mostly recently, the Ardyss BodyMagic. The list is long.
We can’t all have bodies like Kim Kardashian  or Heidi Klum. Some women are born with amazingly good genes like my bestie, @sphinx640. Some of us aren’t so lucky.  Plus size or skinny, however, shouldn’t matter to anybody else except you. Being confident or feeling sexy, most often than not, has nothing to do with looks….it is more all about the attitude.
We are who we are.
On this note, I implore anyone privy to information that can help me shed a minimum of 10kg in the shortest time possible, to holler. As long as it does not involve extreme dieting, rigorous exercises (no time really plus I AM lazy) and “pills”, I am game!
I am who I am! *WINK*      

The "Hypocritic" Oath and the Nigerian Child


Its every man for himself, healthcare-wise, in Nigeria. The state of the healthcare system is deplorable to say the least. For every time I visit my hospital, I ask this question: When does quality healthcare come first? 
Our government can be discerned as not interested in the health of its populace. How else does one explain the deplorable state of our health centres and general hospitals? Or the frequent striking action of its medical professionals? This post, however, is not about the role of government in this misfortune called healthcare in Nigeria……it is about the doctors and nurses whose direct responsibility it is to restore and sustain the health of the citizens.
The doctor’s Hippocratic Oath goes thus:
I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:                      
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism. If overtreatment means billing the patient more just so the hospital can make more profit, this part of the oath gets tossed out the window. A simple cough patient is sent to the lab for malaria test (which would always come out positive as it is endemic in Nigeria) and FBC. Eventually, he’ll be given an antimalarial, antibiotic, antiallergy and any other anti- available!

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug. He was barely three years old and he was on admission for fever of unknown origin with temperature as high as 39.9*C. This particular doctor had stuck needles on countless sites on this tot’s body, searching for a vein, with the baby wailing at the very top of his voice. I have no problem with the good doctor doing his job; the problem was when he forgot about the warmth and sympathy of his oath and screamed at the child to …”shut up and be a man!”  Are u kidding me?!!

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not,"  I have been rudely reprimanded once by a doctor for administering Cefuroxime to my child when I was supposed to give Zinnat (duh!!) nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God. When a child is rushed into an ER with chronic vomiting and stooling, looking crazily emaciated from dehydration and treatment is refused because no monetary deposits have been made; when a convulsing child is left unattended by a doctor and the frantic mother queries that negligence and she’s answered,” Did you not pass XYZ Hospital before getting here? If you are in such a hurry, go there. There’s no law that says you must come to our hospital?” is that not playing GOD?

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.
The economy is in bad shape. Quality healthcare is sadly, not priority with our government. Private hospitals and HMOs have to make enough profit to cover operational costs and pay staff salaries. Cutting cost at all cost becomes the motto of most hospitals. Nurses that can barely speak good English much less interpret medical charts are employed (a simple IM medication was given IV against chart instructions resulting in the death of an innocent child). Consultants and qualified doctors, in terms of years of experience, are replaced by "baby-doctors" that can hardly proffer a diagnosis without consulting their textbooks.  A source once told me that doctors in a certain bigshot hospital in Lagos are not allowed to spend more than 5 minutes with a patient. How does one even begin to discern a patient’s complaints under 5 minutes? The level of carelessness and indifference exhibited by these professionals are mind-boggling.
We tend to always blame the bigger body, in this case the government, for our misfortunes. Change can be initiated by that one individual, that one doctor, that one hospital, that one HMO that says NO….I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS.
To every mother that has to take her child to the hospital, read up on your kids symptoms. Thank God for the internet and mobile web, its much more easier to just google it up….makes for informed consultation with your child’s doctor. Always query any and every action being carried out on your child…it could save his/her life. Do not assume the doctor or the nurse knows best because in most cases, they do not. Most importantly, never underestimate your maternal instinct…..its your trump card!

Date Nights-Tres Necessaire!

I’m sitting here watching my eight-month old and her 3 years old brother sleep and for the first time today, I can actually heave a sigh of relief! Respite, finally!!!! Its the nanny day off; I was at a training exercise organized by my employers this morning; I’m exhausted….life of a career mom!
My husband has been really helpful today though, watched the kids while I was out and made lunch too! But, he misses his wife…..yours truly. I see the way he’s been watching me. Any other day, I would acknowledge the message in those looks and ‘report’ immediately to the bedroom. Today, I choose to ignore him! Like, I’m utterly exhausted. I cannot even begin to work up appetite for any kind of foray in the sack right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to bits; I miss him too. But as much as I tell him that, I need to show too. I need to show him so as to keep the passion alive in my relationship! Keeps the fire burning!

Date nights are very important in kick-starting a relationship where passion is almost gone. Even with the best intentions, the heat of passion experienced as newlyweds eventually succumbs to the pressure of everyday hustle.

When was the last time you had lunch or dinner together? Just the two of you? Without the kids in tow? When was the last time you saw a movie together? This alone-time with the hubby doesn’t happen much but when it does happen, I appreciate. It takes me back to those early days. No wonder the likes of Posh and Becks has every Wednesday earmarked as a date night.

Date nights almost always end with sex….the hot passionate kind. Knowing that you have a date can heighten the anticipation and make love making more fun. What more can a girl ask for?

As a newlywed, you have lots of motivation to sex it up for your man, wearing your tiniest and naughtiest sets of under wears. Four years down the line, that annoying floss up your rear a.k.a the thongs has since been replaced with the ever comfortable granny panties that allows you room to bend over backwards….literally. Not very sexy but…tres practical. Date nights afford you the opportunity to ‘glam’ it up in the bedroom every once in a while.

There’s a reason its called date night though. Chose your date-night date wisely! Some weeks back, I had set the mood for an indoor date night (there’s no rule that says it must be outdoors): champagne on ice, champagne flutes by its side, candle-lit room, new sheets on the bed, kids asleep. Everything in place. I had called the hubs and told him to hurry home….described in details the scene that awaits him. I had the poor guy drooling! I had just stood up to go open the door for him and I noticed a red patch where I just sat….the monthly visitor chose that exact moment to visit! I once heard a guy call it a "bloody waste of f**cking time". Crude but sooo true!

Till i blog again, toodles.....x

A Little Bit Of (Self) Respect


I am angry! No, make that mad! I am mad!
I love my girlfriends…..the ones that have taken the vow, carried a baby to term, birthed the baby, nurtured this baby to school age, worries about this baby and its father continuously….i love them!
When an unmarried Mr. gets together with a Miss Nobody and things progress to sex, “good” for them!....maybe they are trying to find love. But, a married Mr. and a Miss. Find-your-own-Man? That pisses me off, especially when the Mr. has not even celebrated his fifth year wedding anniversary (oh yes, the marriage is still that young!)
In my earlier posts, I had asked what could cause a married woman step out on her marriage in terms of cheating. It’s hard for a lady that has been through all the drama of nurturing a young family to wake up one day and decide she wants to get it on with another man unless a push has finally degenerated to that unbearable shove. However, it seems like some of the husbands do not need much of an excuse to cheat….anything from wrong colour of underwear, to food not being ready as soon as they mention the word “hungry”, to no reason at all, can have them running into the arms of another woman! Heck, the society even condones it and in some cases, applauds it. Today’s post isn’t about the cheating husband; it’s about the arms, the unmarried skanky arms that open so wide to welcome and accommodate a fellow woman’s husband….
If you have caused another woman to be beaten to an inch of her life by her husband while her children watched; if you have deprived a child the love and attention of his father because he’s too busy doling those out to you and you are too busy receiving to care about the damage you are causing a young life; if you have caused a 4-year old boy to become the man of the family and consoles his weeping mother night after night as she waits for her husband to get home; if you have caused that adorable little girl to swear never to marry if marriage is like that of her parents, I have news for you……Karma is a bitch!!! Until you have been in hers shoes….you have no rights whatsoever to her man!!! WTF!
For those that would justify it as love, go ahead and love another woman’s man. However, do bear in mind that what goes around eventually comes back round. You aint gonna be young forever. Eventually, you will get married and have a child/children of your own. After you’ve been through the pains of labor for all of 36 hours and given birth to the child through caesarian section; after you’ve grown from your perfect size 6 to a 12 or prolly a size 14 with a flabby fat stomach to boot, another two-bit chewing gum-popping skank will come along and help herself to your man.
My opinion: if we have a bit of respect, both for ourselves and for our fellow women and match these erring men back to their families, our lives would count for something. If half the love and attention and financial resources being showered on these faceless “other” women are infused back into the family unit, the outcome can only be positive!
Do comment your opinion.

CM: What's Important To You?


Mrs A resides in one of those high-end estates in Lagos, Nigeria. Mrs A is a busy career mother with office located on the island. Mrs A is a mother of three really cute kids, the youngest [Daisy]* less than 18months old.

This post reflects on a subject that has given many a mother sleepless nights: Career Vs Family? Now, if you are a working mother in the city of Lagos, you would really appreciate what this post is about.

Driving home from work most evenings, i'm usually saddened when i see women, some of the clutching to their young babies, begging on the streets for alms, for money to feed. I used to shell out money to those women....not for their sakes but for the sake of these babies that are forced to beg alongside their mothers in the sun, in the rains. I always thought,"What if this was my situation? What if this was my baby...hungry, crying, weak, on the street, under the scorching sun?" It brings tears to my eyes!

I especially remember this lady along Mobolaji Bank-Anthony Way in Ikeja that totes a set of twins on both sides of her body and i wondered what the future held for those children. How on earth was a woman that could barely feed herself, clothe and feed twins? So, i usually, always give money as long as i have money on me to give. That was last year....

.....and then last month, i saw this other woman beggar, with the same set of twins...seriously! And i finally came to the bitter realization that this begging-with-babies thingy was a well rehearsed scam, and a well-paying one at that. So instead of sad, i get really angry when i see them....and i usually let them know, verbally, how i felt.

Mrs A had thought Daisy* was breaking out seriously, having all sorts of rashes all over her skin but she chucked it up to change of bath soap (we know how expensive and selective babies' skin can be sometimes). It was until Daisy* started losing weight drastically that Mrs A figured something was terribly wrong. So, she took permission from her boss on a work day, drove home to take her baby to the hospital.....

....and got the shock of her life!!!

Unexpected, unannounced, she had entered her living room to the sight on her child-minder, crossed-legged with a bowl of food on her laps, watching television. No Daisy* in sight. Mrs A had assumed the baby was sleeping in her room. Guess what? That child was nowhere in the house...and the fugly nanny was as relaxed as to be watching the telly!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The truth??? Daisy* has, on daily basis, been "rented" out to one of the so called begging "mothers" on the street!!!!! Every work day from 9am to 4pm, without fail! The poor child! Ok, i'm going to have to stop here. I am getting all teary-eyed again!

This happened last week. Nanny is in custody. Case has been charged to court! Mrs A has taken time off work to nurse Daisy* back to good health! But i ask: What is important to you????!

(Daisy* is not her real name)

Lets know your opinion!

CM: Cheating- A Woman's Perspective II


So, you got married and with each day, your partner's romantic tendencies seemingly disappears. Reason enough to cheat?

“I love my husband, but he’s a workaholic!”…….its tough, sista but I honestly believe its not reason enough to cheat. Keep busy….it makes his absence less noticeable; more bearable. Its ironic though, isn’t it? Seeing as cheating is actually one way of keeping busy, yes?! On a serious note, however, be productive….keep busy.

“He’s cheated on me so many times; its payback time!”…….i sympathize with every woman that has been cheated on by her spouse or partner. No woman should have to go through the roller-coaster emotions associated with being cheated on. Not only does the act shatter the trust that IS the bedrock of that union, it erodes her self-confidence…eats away at her self-worth. It begs the question, “What did she have that I didn’t?” Its so easy to fall into the arms of the next man that ‘appreciates’ her… easy and ‘justifiable’ cos he has been cheating. However, hard as this may sound, forgive! In order for a relationship to
function properly, to survive, you must learn to forgive and realize that people will make mistakes.

The other day on the radio, a woman married with three children called in to Dan Foster's show on InspirationFM. Her request: That a call be placed through to her unmarried lover of eleven months who just called the realtionship quits. She wants them to still be friends! Married with three children, the husband very much alive? The relationship went as far as eloping plans sef. I wonder what she was planning to do with her kids! SMH
At this point, I would like to say that I do not claim to be an authority on why women cheat or why anyone cheats for that matter. There are so many circumstances {some pardonable if I may use that word; some not} that could work against a woman being faithful to her partner.
I threw this question out to some colleagues of mine and the varying responses I got ranged from lack of attention, to boredom, to abuse both physically and emotionally, to love of money, to hunger for more sex! Whatever the reason, I would like to reiterate that no man….or woman is without flaw. The 80:20 rule for a relationship has it that 80% of what 'we' want/need/desire in a man, 'we' already have in a husband/partner; the other 20% 'we' find in the guy outside….extra-curricular as far as i'm concerned. The important question is: Would  you rather mess around with the flighty 20% and risk losing out on the rock-solid 80%?

Marriage IS a bed of roses, thorns and all! It is inevitable that couples would face challenges that could possibly wreck the union. However, always remember that you love(d) this man; always remember that change is the only constant in life and finally, always remember that work will win when & where wish won't!

You are stronger than you think you are!!

CM: Cheating-A Woman's Perpective I


Sensitive subject, cheating. Sensitive and deep.
Not too long ago, I was 17 and in the university. Life was great. My major worries those days were mostly money and time to study and those were not even major, if u get my drift. I loved to make friends. Partying was my fav pastime cos it afforded me the opportunity of making new friends, 80% of them boys. Oh yes, the boys! I loved the meetings, I loved the attention, I loved the butterflies-in-tummy moments, I loved the flirting….but most of all, i loved the thrill of the chase. I could never commit. I was so sure I would be a cheating partner in whatever relationship I eventually “settle” for. Then, I met him….
….and my theory of One Man Wouldn't Do died a natural death.
Lots of women can identify with this. You meet your soul mate; the one person that understands you to the core; the one person your whole world revolves round; the one that makes your heart skip a beat whenever you hear his voice; let’s admit it, the one person that holds the key to happiness as you know it. Suddenly, life aint worth living without him and y’all decide you wannna spend the rest of your lives together.
Now, you are married. First coupla years, the fun is unbelievable. You wonder how you got so lucky… you married the perfect man. He never forgets your birthday or your parents’, for that matter; he calls you up at odds hours just to say how much he loves you and misses you (forget that you just kissed him goodbye some minutes back); plies you with endless gifts and chocies at any and every opportunity; leaves little love notes at every nook and cranny of the house. Heck, every night IS a date night and the SEX……oh, the sex IS mind-boggling. You are so in love.
Then, come the children and with them, a whole lotta responsibilities.
He becomes a driven man. The sex is still mind-boggling but sometimes it lacks the romance and finesse that made you feel really special in his arms. Birthdays get forgotten every once in a while; the love notes disappear entirely; the phone calls....hmmm, the phone calls still come but just so he can find out whats for dinner or to say he’ll be late coming home! Cant say I blame him…cost of living is way too high especially with present day economic standstill and HE HAS TO PROVIDE FOR HIS FAMILY!
Overnight, you become mother (with the extra inches on the waistline as testimonial), slave, housekeeper, slave, maid, slave, career woman, slave, lesson teacher (someone have to take the kids through their homework for pete’s sake), slave, cook, slave….very well over-utilized and under-appreciated! End of the day, you cant wait to crawl into bed and sleeeeeeeeeep! No time to fix up yourself…...mani-pedis get done in your dreams and even then, you never get to finish cos the little one is yelling you awake. Phew!
With the passage of time, the romance dwindles to almost non-existent. You would wish for the intimacy of the yester-years. And this, darlings, is the CRUX of the matter! Expected as it is, what would cause a woman to step out on her marriage.... step out on her man??!
......To Be Continued