In a Space of Panic


She’s been firing all kinds of questions at me, a mile a minute, most of which i had no answer to cos i could barely hear them. From my mutters and hmmmms and meaningless hand movements, she must’ve guessed i was tired! Exhausted would be the word. I had had the most hectic day ever!

“You tired, Mummy?”
“Yes, baby...”
“I go outside and play with my brother?”
“Yes, baby!” Relief!
I must’ve been reaaaallly tired cos I never let them play outside. But within minutes, i heard her happy voice cackle in excitement and i relaxed. She’s happy; I’ve been blissfully left alone...all is well in my world. I drifted off to sleep!

It would be a few minutes before it registered that i wasn’t hearing her laughs anymore. Maybe they came back inside, i thought. I made to settle back into that restful sleep but something niggled. And so i stood and peeped outside. No daughter. Just the brother playing with a couple more friends and the househelp standing a distance back, fiddling with her phone.

“Where’s Zi?”, I called out.
The help started. “She’s h... she was...”
...gone. Zi was nowhere!
At first, i wasn’t panicked. Ok, maybe just a little. She’s the really outgoing child, friendly to a fault. Cute trait sometimes, but not today...here and now. What if she had willingly followed a kidnapper out? Hush, i chided myself. Can’t be bringing negative energy this early in the game. However, as the evening gave way to night, the whole neighbourhood searched with a fine comb and no Zi, i hit rock bottom!

Where is my child?
Who’s got my child?
Did she lose her way?
Is she scared?
Has she eaten?
Have they given her a bath?
Is she calling and crying for Mummy?
Who’s got my ray of sunshine?
Is she scared?!!!!

Broken, i knelt down to pray! Knelt down to PRAY! I should be calling the police or her father as any sane mother would do! But no, i knelt to pray! I know i cried more than i prayed; that is if “God, I cannot survive this if anything happened to my daughter and i never have to see her again!” qualifies as prayer! But that was all i got at that moment!
Thoughts of all the mother-daughter growing-up and growing-old moments i would miss wouldn't let me concentrate on talking to God! And then i would remember that she might be alone and scared somewhere and i’ll start pleading with God again. I would ordinarily negotiate with Him but i had no chips to do that with today. This was straight out begging, "Keep my daughter safe, bring her home to us!"

As i prayed cried, an image kept flashing at me. Yellow-coloured heart shape. Everywhere i looked, i see the image. Cheerful. Love. Just like Zi. And then i heard the voice say, “Check the outback!” What outback, i thought. But i was already moving...to the boys quarters. What i saw as i peeped through the first window chilled me to the bones. Here was this lady i’ve never seen, clutching on to a passed-out Zi, force-feeding her some black gooey gel! I think i walked through that locked door cos i do not remember kicking it down. Then i’m grabbing my daughter, and screaming for help, and pelting down blows at the idiot that stole my ray of sunshine for the briefest moment, and thanking God for coming through, and waking up from this dratted dream...to go and pee!
Time : 02.57am.
I hate when my dream gets this graphic. What if i had fainted in that dream from heartache? I really should stop watching Crime & Investigation channel.

Ok, i'm back. Who missed me?
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Kisses...

12 comments:

Toinlicious said...

Goodness! You scared me o

Hazel said...

LOL. I'm sorry na. I had to share a bit of my panic last night!

Olaedo said...

Oh, it was a dream? Thank God o!
Was about calling you sef.

HoneyDame said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!
HAZEL!!! I dont think I can ever forgive you for this! I kid you not, as I type, my heart is still threatening to burst out of my chest.!
Not funny joo!!!!...MChewwwwwww
Instead of you to come and tell us how you were victorious (u know nah!) and distribute money according to loyalty, you are here scaring my heart out...Mcheewwww

MsJB said...

Thank God it was just a dream
Pheww!!

Hazel said...

Omg! I'm sorry you guys! This was my exact same reaction. Ran to her room to be sure it was just a dream!

Chuwechuwe said...

Haze!!!!! mxm here's a chair _/ Sit in the naughty corner.... in fact, take 2 _/ Thank goodness it was just a dream.

Okeoghene said...

Thank God it was just a dream

Nma Nazzy Agada said...

Thank God It Was a dream... I hope you still prayed thereafter.... Been looking out for a new post from you..Twas worth the wait.

Jemima said...

oh my God, i promise you, my BP rose, my heart is still pounding as i type...take your time o...nice to have you back though....

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Haaaa! As I was reading, my heart was in my mouth. lol. I was so scared! Dont do this again!!!!!

KalidoraArtistry said...

mba!!!! see my heart beating like crazy!!!

very nice. first time on your blog, me likey!