In A Hopeless Place...

Speechless. This pain...too awful for words. Indescribable! This is not the sort of pain that a band-aid or some pain killers would alleviate. I wish it were. No, this is nothing physical and too terrible to be categorized under emotional. My heart was not just broken...it was sliced clean into two equal bleeding halves and nothing--except maybe a self-induced coma-- can stop the hurt.
That bitch of a sister. Slimy worm...
As sudden as it’s been coming, the urge to barf came again. I scrambled out of bed and made a mad dash to the bathroom, muzzy as heck. I barely cleared the doors before the bile surged forth, from within the depths of my stomach. I heaved over the toilet bowl for all of three minutes until my innards finally calmed. It has been like this for a few days now. I honestly hope i’m not pregnant on top of everything i have to deal with, i thought as i groped my way back to my sanctuary...my bed...in the dark. Time 04:17a.m


I had been gobsmacked for the better part of that first day. I couldn’t wrap my head around what just happened...or was and is still happening. After the shock came the tears. It’s been six day now and the water-works just won’t quit. Mother had called severally and so had the being who clearly CANNOT be my blood sister. She dared!! There had been other calls but i had been too busy throwing myself a really loud pity-cum-sob party to take note of whom...or what...called. Eventually, the calls ceased; maybe the callers all collectively borrowed themselves brains or maybe my phone battery quit on them, who cares? The absolute quiet that ensued afterwards was all i cared about. A bit of quiet to calm the pounding head, access the situation and plot my revenge against...the Worm!
As far back as i could remember, it had always been about HER! The golden child; the first borne child...the first of two kids! Just two...myself and the Worm {I still can’t bring myself to even think her name}. You would think that with just two kids, my parents will have enough love to go round. But no, they took my quota of their love and showered it on her. Or at least our mother did; dad just swayed to whichever side his wife was swinging. To see them act, it was like the sun rose, shined and set with my sister. To be fair, it probably did. Everything and anything her hand/mind touches literally glows. The perfectly behaved child; courteous and respectful. If she was not too busy being the best-overall-something at school, she was bringing home scholarships, or winning awards left, right and centre. I was proud to be her younger sis...until the comparism began. I could never measure up.
It was always “Why can’t you learn to speak like your sister?” or “Why won’t you behave more like your sister? She would never do this!” or “Your sister would listen to reason” or as we grew older, “Have you asked your sister’s opinion? You know she’s got a good head on her shoulders!”. Arrgh, i always felt inadequate. To make matters even worse, there were always legit reasons to exempt her from chores; either “You know she needs to sleep so she’ll study later” or “She’s been at her books all day. She needs to watch that telly to relax her brain!” The list was endless.
Jesus wept...for me. Despite numerous attempts by Aunt June to assure me otherwise, I felt Mother resented and blamed me for her inability to have more kids. What else could explain her obvious apathy towards me? And if that be the case, who blames a foetus for a difficult and complicated pregnancy?
Time passed. I adjusted to life. Sister dearest left home for Undergrad abroad. I muddled at home for a bit before I managed to get an admission into a Uni right here at home. It was a relief to finally leave home. While she excelled at school, i partied hard!! Boys, smokes, alcohol, piercings, the works...i did it. I was rebelling and i loved every single moment of it. I partied my way through university, somehow managing to garner two extra years on my 5-year Estate Management course. The parents disapproved to the point that my allowances were cut down to the barest minimum. I learnt to hustle.
I still partied. I still attended some of the best events and their after-parties but somehow, i managed to make money off it...by ushering. That was how i met Joe.
He was the best man at this wedding i ushered.  I was gone the moment i clapped my eyes on him. Love at first sight is not a fallacy. It exists! He had this distinguished air about him; not quite aloof and yet, not approachable. I couldn’t stop staring. And staring. And staring. At intervals, while busy showing guests to their seats, i peeped his way to make sure The Dream hasn’t absconded.
I had just finished talking to one of the boys serving drinks when i felt eyes staring at me. It’s nothing fresh...I get that a lot. To put it modestly, i am good-looking. Instinctively, i glanced his way and lo, it was The Dream staring. My heart did triple backflips when he got up from his sit and started making his way towards me. When he said, “Hi, my name is Joe”, I had to look behind me to ascertain that he was truly talking to me. Really, I had to check. When he offered his hand to shake mine, everything that had ever gone wrong in my life righted itself at that moment!  "Hi," I responded very shyly. My manners and vivacious persona deserted me right there. He did say that was what attracted him to me. He said he's been watching me from his seat by the groom; "You have the face of an angel, the body of a porn star and the presence of a survivor". Wow...who says that except maybe the one meant to be my soulmate? I didn’t even take offence at being compared to a porn star. None at all.
We had quite a conversation that day. We had so much in common; him the engineer with an offshore oil-rigging group (score!!!!!!!) and me, the student cum entrepreneur. We both like jazz and we both attend the same church. He wondered why our paths hadn’t crossed earlier in church. I couldn't bring myself to tell him I only attend once in a year...on New Year's Eve. We were clicking too much for me to jeopardize thingss. We talked and talked, long after the wedding party was gone; long after my ushers packed up our equipments and left. When he asked if he could kiss me, it took all i had in me not to scream, “You just thought to ask now, you idiot? I’ve been waiting all night!” The chemistry was sizzling. That night, we talked ourselves into a relationship, the amazing, beautiful sort you read about in romance novels.
Joe was a stabilizing factor in my life; the one person who made me sit myself down, reassess and advised myself that change was inevitable. It wasn't anything he said in particular; it was how he held me in such high esteem. He took pride in introducing me to his friends and colleagues. I liked how it felt, so much, i wanted to give him reasons to always be proud of me. I ditched my piercings and took up church in earnest. He was good for my self esteem and that was the least of it!
After we dated for a while, he insisted that he met my parents. I had reservations...I'd never taken anybody home to my folks and I didn't know how to feel about it. After much consideration though, i gave in. It would be either of two things: they like him (which would be a huge plus) or they don't which would be nothing new...really. I could live with both outcomes.
Wonders of wonders, they liked him. And when he mentioned where he worked and what position he held there, the approval was a done deal. Suddenly, I become Nwa m oma. Mother kept saying, “Nwa m, i gbani go nno!” . For the first time in a really long time, I heard pride in Mother's voice in association to me and it moved me nearly to tears. It didn't matter how many times I had told myself I didn't care whether she acknowledged my efforts and my meagre achievements, it didn't matter how many times she made me feel unwanted and unloved; this here moment made up for all of that...and Joe, just by being himself made it happen. I couldn't love him any more than i did at that moment!
After that visit, we settled into the relationship. He even mentioned marriage at some point but i wasn't sure i wanted to rock our present arrangements. Life was good as it were: semi-legit, calm and...good! A few months later, i had to leave town for a 4-month industrial attachment. This wouldn't be the first time we would be apart for a length of time so I wasn't worried. We would talk on the phone, chat and worst case, skype.
Two months into the industrial attachment, a cousin called to find out whether we would be selling asoebi. I was perplexed. Selling asoebi...for what? She laughed and said to stop being coy with her.
“Your sister's asoebi, of course!”
“Oh?” My sister has been back in the county for a while now, working a really well-paying job. I wondered what she was celebrating now.
“For her wedding na!”
“Oh?”                           
“Babe, stop sounding like a dundee. Honestly, you sound like you don’t know that your own sister is engaged?”
"GTFOH! She is what? ENGAGED? Hahaha! How? She wasn't even dating when I left Lagos. How the heck is she getting married? And most importantly, to who?"
My cousin giggled. “Who cares? Probably to a fellow effico like her. They'll probably bore themselves to death with their numerous over-achievements. My concern is the gbedu. I don't want to be left out of any party; so please find out about the asoebi arrangement and lemme know. Don't dull!”
“Nevers,” I reassured her and we said our goodbyes.
And then I dialed my sister's phone number. Congratulations were in order, it seemed. When she picked and I said my congrats, she asked how I heard. I told her. She was quiet for a heartbeat and then she said she had to take an urgent incoming call but thanks for calling and then she clicked off. That...was weird even for my sister. All the questions I wanted to ask her...{like who is the guy? Where's he from? What does he do?...} I didn't get the opportunity to ask. This would've been the perfect opportunity to truly to bond; I'm in a relationship that is progressing nicely to a marriage proposal and she's gotten her proposal and is readying up for marriage. A common ground, finally.
I called Joe to find out if he knew who sister dearest was marrying. If anyone one would know, it would be Joe. He and the sister get along amazingly well. I would be strange though, if he knew and didn't let on. Unless That One swore him to secrecy...which i wouldn't put pass her. Joe’s line rang engaged all for hours on end until i slept off....mightily pissed. When i woke the next morning, there were 7 missed calls from him and a 2-page long text message. He apologized for not getting my calls the previous day. He said he was on the phone with his HQ and he needs to get on the rig asap; there’s been an emergency. He said it was going to be hardcore and so might not be able to communicate with me for the entire duration. Two months, he said! And he had to leave immediately...hence the missed calls and the text.
The days went by faster that i thought. He didn’t call much but he sent messages asking how i was coping with things. Before long though, IT was over. I had called the parents to let them know IT was over and that i would be coming home soon. Two days after i got into town, i went to see the parents. Dad was excited to see me {I love my dad}; Mother, you could tell she was faking it. In fact, she acted weird. If I didn’t know her all my life, I would think she was nervous. She kept asking:
“How long have you been back?” Hian, why is she sounding like i committed a crime?
“Have you seen you sister?”
“Have you spoken with your sister?”
“No, Mother,” I was getting exasperated “I haven’t seen her. But she called and we are supposed to meet up for lunch tomorrow. That okay with you, Mother?!” Some things never change.
The next day, i got ready for my lunch with the sister. For some strange reason, i decided to swing by Joe’s place which isn’t so far from our meet-up. I say strange because i knew he wasn’t in town...or he would’ve mentioned it the last time we spoke. I have laughter and giggles as i knocked on the door. Cousin Brume—Joe’s—doing what he does best, entertaining while the cat is away, i thought. So when the door opened and i saw Joe standing there holding a glass of wine, i was pleasantly surprised. It was the look on his face that reminded me that he wasn’t supposed to be in town and he didn’t update me on his change of plans. Just as i was about to ask what’s up with that, a female voice called out, “Honey, who is that at the door?!”
I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop. “H-h...” clears throat “...honey?” I managed to croak out. Joe had a bleak look on his face.
“Baby, who’s at the door?” The voice sounded closer, probably coming to check what was keeping “Baby” for so long. The voice also sounded familiar, almost like...
“Honey?”
...like my sister’s! And there she was, standing by her fiancĂ©...my boyfriend...both of them looking like the perfect couple.
The world stopped rotating. I had no recollection of how i made it out of there in one piece. I just know that one minute i was backing away from the scene playing out itself in front of me...and the next minute, i was in my bed, puking and crying my eyes out. The one bright light in my life, my sister reached out and took it from me.
The text message i got from Mother today sealed their fates. She wrote: Nwa m, I hope you understand and take this in your stride. Your sister is so happy...and you are so beautiful you will find another man in no time. The rest of the message, i didn’t bother reading. I was already riled out of bed. What right does she have to ignore my pains, pains caused by her beloved daughter? What right does she have to put the happiness of one child above the other?
I was totally done with being ignored. I was done with understanding. Today, she will feel my pain. Today, she’ll know what it’s like to lose a soul mate, i vowed as i dressed up. My clothes hung like a tent on my body frame. Nothing like the Heartbreak Diet to get a girl in shape, i chuckled bitterly to myself as i exited my building. Not like i needed to be in shape for what was going down. Today, Mother will lose both her daughters and....
...i was so engrossed in my plans; i didn’t see the car that hit me!
To Be Continued!

***Love them...equally, unconditionally. Let them not doubt, even for a moment, that they are a blessing to you***

23 comments:

ms cookie said...

wow it so good, cant wait for the next write up> i totally enjoyed it

Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken said...

WOW...this is perfect cant wait for the next

Olaedo said...

Ah, ah naa.... Just when I was gearing up for ghen ghen. Biko, come back here sharp sharp and continue o!

LadyNgo said...

i concur with Olaedo's entire comment lol

Myne Whitman said...

Great writing, loving it so far!

dayor said...

Woohoo! Pls finish up na...nice one!

Toinlicious said...

Wat!!!! Come back asap o! Hit by a car ke?

G-FUNC said...

Oh my !
Really nice writing, the story is so on point and your delivery as well.
I liked it so much I had to comment.
Thumbs up !!!

P.E.T. Projects said...

So sad how parents can ruin the lives of their children by the mistake called preferential treatment.

From the Days of Isaac (Esau & Jacob) till present, nothing good has come out of it.

Part 2 please...

Qmoney said...

Oh my days!!!just as i was avout to say *Serves them right*...lol

@ilola said...

That mother is evil.

Luciano said...

please please pleas come and finish this story. I'll keep my comment till you do

pearl said...

please please you must complete this story in no time. please. very beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Before we go to the issues btw the sisters, let us first say, that the guy is not a good guy. Dating 2 sisters, is completely unacceptable. Now, the elder sister may need a pschy evaluation for wanting to marry her sister's boyfriend. The mother, well i dont know what to say about her. You never chose 1 child over the other. You just dont. The sisters would have strenghts in varying degrees. As for the younger sis, i feel her pain. She should be strong and move on, the guy is not worth it. It is better to find out now, before marrying him and finding out later.

Dobby said...

Really nice and creative writing...Beautiful!

Jemima said...

Oya o, come and finish the story o ehen!

Ijeoma said...

Lovely write up.....but i must say dat dis is d end of d story!.....girl have you ever thought of writting a column for a national editorial.....you have an amazing talent :)

HoneyDame said...

What in the world?!!! Mothers like this exist? Actually they do..*sigh*. You are very talented, MRs 6"heels..:D

Ema Leecious said...

Not really sure that woman is her mum

...maybe she was raped or something and got pregnant if it is her mum...

The sister is evil

Her dad...shame on him for being a party to it.

I shouldn't judge I know, but its hard not to.

Please quickly put up the post ooooo.I can't wait to read it.

Rowzlyn said...

Hazelllll, this "to be continued" the part never commot?

Anonymous said...

Wow!! Fantastic.#Stealing*

Joy Edoriagba said...

My sister is so happy and I'm so beautiful I'll get someone else??? Aaaaaaaaah, there will be blood!! What kind of mother does that?!

Can't wait for the rest of this, well done!

Toinlicious said...

Come & finish this story jor han han! Yea, I yaf vex finish. Do u know how hard it is camping out here in d cold waiting for the continuation? :p