2010:The Year That Was

In another day, the year 2010 will officially be over. Just as every year comes with its challenges, rough patches and excitement, 2010 was no exception! Personally, 2010 was a good year! Don’t get me wrong…I had major challenges along the way but my blessings way outweighs my perceived lows. Here are a few of them:

My Highs

  • Chizitara Uloaku A.  a.k.a ‘Tara Bank A.! My major 2010 all time high, my pearl, my daughter! Born March 14, a few days after my own birthday, she’s just pure joy….a prayer answered, literally. I prayed for a girl for so many reasons but mostly because I already have a boy, a boy so energetic and so full of mischief I can barely keep up….my one-man squad!! Two of him would be an over-kill, trust me! Zi is just so stress less. Feed her and play with her for a bit and she’s good.
Zi....at five months
Princess Zi

My one-man squad Chets
  • Dunno whether this should be a high or a low…or maybe a combination of both but on the 24th of June, my husband was accosted by three armed hoodlums. Though his car and some personal effects (he practically lived in that car) were taken away, his life was not!! Ok…this is a high! Imagine me being a widow, with 2 kids, at this young age?! Tufiakwa!!!!

  • I finally took the bull by the horn and registered my company Beddings ‘n’ Beyond. I love a beautiful, well-put together interior….who doesn’t? But I’ve come to realize that most of us usually restrict the “prettiness” to our entertainment areas…the living rooms, lounges and kitchens. Beddings ‘n’ Beyond caters for the often neglected but ultra important boudoirs, transforming your space from dull and uninspiring to bright and exciting!! I kid you not….my sheets are simply beautiful and soothing to the skin (style meets comfort). A trial will convince you! Anyways, this year I succeeded in turning a hobby into a hobby that pays!!! Yay me!


  • I got my looooooooooong overdue promotion on the 24th of December. Isn’t God just amazing?

  • I am alive….and well. That’s a high in my book!

The next column was supposed to be for my low points in 2010 but to be honest, I can barely remember them….the euphoria of the successes eventually overshadows the pain of sufferings.

Altogether, it has been an awesome year. God has been simply wonderful to me, my family and my friends! My little sis gave birth to my super-cute nephew Kanye; and so did my bestie Bena to Adibs and Ryls to Brume. It was a baby-fest this year….the list is just long (enough birthday chops come 2011).




PoshBug and Sosa got their Msc in record time and have already landed cushy jobs...and in the UK to boot!! Isn’t God just too bunz?!

NwaBugo and Eseosa

2010 was a great year but guess worth, 2011 will be greater! Can I get an AMEN! Im not that much of a believer when it comes to New Year resolutions but im gonna try really hard to abide by my 2011 resolutions…

  • Acknowledge His presence more in my life
  • Make an effort and then some more, to shed my post-natal body fat
  • Make more time for my family especially my children
  • Push Beddings ‘n’ Beyonds to the next level
  • Own one or two pairs of Christian Louboutin shoes (c’mon…mommies deserve some toys too)
  • Drive a Range Rover Sport!!! (im in love with that car and before you scream, I didn’t say own one….just drive one, even if its for 20 minutes)
These would have to do for now.

A big Thank You to all of you that made my 2010 so exciting! Miranda and Sophie (I am always in their prayers); Foluke and Ryls (both of you tried to disown me once…not happening! Im stuck on y’all like a leech…lol); my Rx Divas C2, Ketchup, Rukkie, Chinee, Aisha and Bena; my homies Tana, Isoken, Erhi; my pint-size larger-than-life bff PoshBug and our smallie, Eseosa; my find of the year, Amaka Agu; nwanne m nwanyi Nwahdee and of course you! Yes....you, reading this post. Thank you all so much for being part of my life! 2011 is so going to be a year of multiples testimonies for every one of us!!


One Step....In the Right Direction!

The Night That Was……

Saturday the eleventh, I saw a movie at the cinema!!!!!! *notice the exclamation marks behind that one mundane statement* Im sure it begs the question “Why is this news?” Allow me to kowa-tiate!!
Once upon a time, I knew all the haute hangouts and clubs in Lagos. My anchor loves to party and I, as his always-equal-to-the-task partner was always at hand…..i loved to play dress up! Once upon a time, I could confidently rave alongside my friends, about new movies because I get to watch them immediately they hit the cinemas.
Enter Chets and Bank! (my kids) The responsibility of taking care of a family is unbelievably humongous. Like, you have to be in it to understand where i'm coming from. If you also happen to be a career mom (as most of us are), catching a breather sometimes, become almost impossible. I hail thee Superwoman, if you still have a social life with all these!

I’m well aware that my social life is almost non-existent. Between crazy work schedules, hospital runs, pre-school homework, nanny dramas and every day hustling, i count myself lucky if I get an eight-hour uninterrupted sleep/rest time. Sometime last week, while rummaging through my wardrobe, I came across a couple of party dresses I had bought a while back that are yet to be ‘premiered'. That chance happenstance made me realize how much i had missed dressing up (suits do not count) and hanging out with my friends. It was then it dawned on me that my social life was in a rot! I had to do something about it.

First on my list was going to the cinemas again. Now, that was first for so many reasons: I dont need an invite to go to the movies and i get to hone my fashion sense (I was seriuosly losing touch). Plus i can actually now offer informed opinions when it comes to movie reviews ( i usually just nod and say, "yea, nice movie").
Having decided on my first line of action, i pinged a few of my friends and asked if anyone was interested in seeing a movie....the plan being to kill two birds with one stone( i havent seen my girls in ages and i just wanted to hang with them). We were all really excited!

Myself, sporting last season's Double Chin by CK and my bestie Bena, looking fabulousa..as usual!

Few days to the day, Aisha begged off....she had to work on saturday (crazy work schedule claims its victim). Ketchup had a wedding she couldnt miss (bummer!).....and then there were three. Saturday morning, C2 called. Her kids were sick! (hope they are much better now). Thank God Bena did not bail on me (she always comes through for me). Phew, this year was so not going down as the year i did not step foot into a cinema!!!!!!

Cutting a long story short, i made it to the movies. I had no idea which movie it was we saw.....ooooh wait, i remember! It was Due Date. Anyways, i made it to the movies. I was hugely tired from all the errands i had ran earlier in the day but i was determined to check Going To The Cinema done in my to-do-list. We had fun but i sure missed not having the rest of the gang with us!

And so, ahead of the new year i make this resolution: Girls' Time/Night Out every once in a month! All these plenty work (without pay) and no play makes Mummy a grouchy/canterkerous "old" woman!

The Psychology of a "Go-Getter"


For want of what to name this post, I’ll go with the Psychology of a Go-Getter. The dictionary would define a go-getter as an enterprising person albeit an ambitious one. Another definition would be someone whose career progresses rapidly.
Yesterday, I asked a few of my friends what would be an appropriate name for that one person in the workplace/office that delights in putting others down, or magnifies trivial issues to the ears that matter just to advance in his/her career path. There were lots of laughs….then the names started coming in!!
Don’t get me wrong: I’m a firm believer in being ambitious, in working hard and in working smart to move up the ladder rapidly, career-wise. However, there are those colleagues that bring such negativity to the table, its amazeballs…..hence the parenthesis in my Go-Getter!
“Escalating to Escalate” was one name/phrase I got….very apt since escalating trivials is usually their modus operandum. “Boss” was another. But the name that tickled me sideways was “Y” people (if you work in Lagos and you’ve been a ‘victim’ or a friend to a ‘victim’, you’ll probably understand why that name made the list).
To be fair, this trait is not restricted to a particular geographical area, if feelers from friends in diaspora are anything to go by. Black, white, yellow, red....some people just want what they want and do not care who they step on to achieve the set goal.

Sometimes, I sit and wonder what philosophy influences the actions of these set of people. Is it born out of the need to survive by all means possible or are people just simply sadistic and diabolical? They work harder than any other but, the hard work is usually in the full view of the folks that matter (eye service comes to mind).The worst kinds though, are those who come under the guise of friendship but are usually the first to announce your incompetence, to whosoever cares to listen…..usually behind your back!!! (I'll rather an obvious enemy than a frenemy)
That every office has one of these “escalators” is a fact I have come to realize and to some extent, accept. Every office, without exception! In different forms, colours, races, ethnicity! In fact, I’m inclined to believe that they are part and parcel of the dynamics of the work environment. Truth be told, some of them are usually helpful when you find yourself in a bind that involves the top brass….all that escalation and tattling endears them to the people that matter.

Genuine hard work should be commended and rewarded. However, nobody is above mistakes. In fact, without mistakes, there is no learning. I'm yet to see or hear of that person that has knowledge of everything. Preying on the mistakes of colleagues or capitalising on the weaknesses of others to advance oneself, is just wrong. Everybody has a "y" in them......c'mon, we are human, eternally selfish; the trait just stays dormant in some! And so, an occasional self-analysis, not unlike stock-taking, becomes a necessary tool!

Be wary of the toes stepped on today....they might be attached to the feet that could require licking tomorrow.

Spread Love!!!!!

To The One I Call Love: Happy Birthday, Boo!

In the early afternoon of June 24 this year, i had just finished this argument over the phone with him. In anger and frustration at how bull-headed and stubborn one man could be, i had "announced" to my colleagues and whoever cared to listen that my husband was for sale! i was still spoiling for a fight even as i heard his car pull in that fateful evening. 

Then came the knock, a few minutes later, that informed me that my husband, the very one i was ready to "sell", had been accosted and taken away by three armed men just as he was alighting from his car. 
For a few minutes, i didn't quite understand what i just heard. When i did, i collapsed....literally! At that moment, and for a few hours until my husband came home, i experienced a miniscle of a widow's thought process.....its not pretty! The anxiety, the uncertainties, the fear, but mostly, the regrets ( i should've not argued with him; i should've told him i loved him......)            

And so, today on his birthday, i just want to remind him how much i love him and to appreciate him. He may be stubborn and strong-willed in a way that gets my goat sometimes, but he is my husband, the sweetest guy i know, generous to a fault. He loves in a way no other has (well, except God)! He is also an amazing father.

To my boo, my signed-sealed-delivered-all-mine hubby, the father of my children, my rock, my pillar of strength, my friend, my gossip-partner, my FS, i say HAPPY BIRTHDAY. My prayer for you today: No plans of your enemies shall ever find you...not even remotely; you will always remain a person of reckon amongst your peers and may God continue to bless and protect you. It is, and will continue to be well with you....


Appendicitis in Pregnancy

Until recently, i had never heard of appendicitis in pregnancy! Fibroid in pregancy, i'm well aware of.....heck, i even nurtured one alongside my last pregnancy. Pica, pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure accompanied by protein in urine), backaches, swollen ankles, painful wrists....i am aware of all these occurences in pregnacy. But, appendicities????!

A friend just recently found out she was pregnant and so, when she started with the usual vomitting, we all chucked it up to early morning sickness. Her vomitting episodes were, however, unusually "violent"..... and energy-sapping and half the time, i would find her sagging on a chair like a rejected wet rag, tired and weepy. I would give her pep talks ( she always sounded so defeated), encourage her to speak to her body....generally trying to help her through this phase of her pregnancy. And then, this fateful day, she couldnt stand up from where she was seated and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Diagnosis: Appendicitis
I remembered my first reaction was "WHAT??!". How does one start managing appendicitis in a first trimester pregnancy? I also remember wondering "Why now?". I was anxious for her because i had no idea what would be the best way to manage the inflammation. Would the doctors operate? Should they operate? Would the surgery affect the baby? What happens to the wound when the stomach enlarges to accomodate the growing baby? All these questions bothered me, hours unending. So, i did a bit of research....my findings put my fears to rest.

Appendicitis in pregnancy is a relatively common phenomenon....1 in every 1000 pregnancy. There's usually a delay in diagnosis because most of the complaints asociated with this inflammation (nausea, vomitting and abdminal pains) are typically blamed on the pregnancy. However, when discovered, operation is advised with both the attending gynaecologist and surgeon in agreement. Current believe is that it is better to surgically remove a normal appendix in suspected appendicities in pregnancy than to allow complications occur because of not operating. Prompt surgical procedure is key to saving the lives of both mother and child.

Where pregnancy is still at the early stage, progesterone can be given to preserve the pregnancy. There should, however, be minimal handling of the uterus during operation.

So, if you are pregnant and having symptoms that you suspect might be appendicitis, do visit you doctor and attempt to verify your suspicions. Once confirmed, having an operation to remove it would be the wise route to go....if that is what your doctor advises. If not, get a second opinion.

Aby, my prayers are with you. Get well soon......x

World's AIDS Day a la Hollywood


To mark this year's World's AIDS Day, a few of my favorite celebrities sacrificed their digital lives for charity. Translation: No Twitter or Facebook presence until a collective sum of 1,000,000 USD is raised for Keep A Child Alive, a charity organization dedicated to fighting the virus in Africa and other parts of the world where anti-retroviral medications and treatment is not readily available.

Alicia Keys, co-founder and Global Ambassador of KCA, reality star sisters Kim Kardasian and Khloe Kardashian Odom, Ryan Seacrest, Serena Williams, Elijah Woods, Lady Gaga, to mention but a few, all "died" today on Twitter and Facebook and would remain "dead" until the purported sum has been raised for charity. How long this will exercise take? Your guess is as good as mine ($1m is a sh*tload of money) but with big guns like Lady Gaga and likes, it shouldnt tarry! More celebrities are definitely going to sign on.....Diddy will be "dead" tomorrow!!!

This would not be the first time celebrities are cashing in on the wide reach of social networking portals to raise funds for charity. Just a few months back, my favorite Desperate Housewife, Eva Longoria organised a celebrity aution on Twitter. Tweethearts were encourage to bid for their favourite celebrities....winning bids get a follow and/or a retweet! The proceeds were channeled towards building schools for Haiti. Commendable!

Visit www.buylife.org and www.keepachildalive.com for further information. If you are inclined to, do make a donation. SAVE A LIFE.
Photos are courtsey of Buy Life.

Much Ado About The KGs

Courtesy of Google Images

It’s become an obsession. Show me that group of 2-3 ladies and I can tell you authoritatively that the discussion will eventually turn to weight loss.
The year was 2005. The place was a salon in Port Harcourt. The owner of the salon was in her early 30s and very chic. Through the forty five or so minutes I spent there, she was on the phone chatting about how much weight she had lost and what she used, would use or will continue to use. I remember thinking: Why won’t this woman just give herself a break? After 3 kids, she’s still making weight loss priority. Little did I know! Sighs!
The year is 2010. Marriage, pregnancies (yes, plural!) and childbirths down the road, I am the one obsessing about weight loss.
The weight loss business/industry is one that won’t slow down, considering that most of us will not stop eating and there’s little or no time (or just plain laziness) to exercise. From weight loss pills, to diets, to herbal concoctions, to forums, to exercise; from GNLD and FLP products, to Quincy Herbal Slimming, to St. Eve’s Concept (lose 3-5kg in 7 days or money back guarantee); from Acai Berry (popularized by Oprah), to QuickTrim (endorsed by the Kardashians), to Seawidslim and to, mostly recently, the Ardyss BodyMagic. The list is long.
We can’t all have bodies like Kim Kardashian  or Heidi Klum. Some women are born with amazingly good genes like my bestie, @sphinx640. Some of us aren’t so lucky.  Plus size or skinny, however, shouldn’t matter to anybody else except you. Being confident or feeling sexy, most often than not, has nothing to do with looks….it is more all about the attitude.
We are who we are.
On this note, I implore anyone privy to information that can help me shed a minimum of 10kg in the shortest time possible, to holler. As long as it does not involve extreme dieting, rigorous exercises (no time really plus I AM lazy) and “pills”, I am game!
I am who I am! *WINK*      

The "Hypocritic" Oath and the Nigerian Child


Its every man for himself, healthcare-wise, in Nigeria. The state of the healthcare system is deplorable to say the least. For every time I visit my hospital, I ask this question: When does quality healthcare come first? 
Our government can be discerned as not interested in the health of its populace. How else does one explain the deplorable state of our health centres and general hospitals? Or the frequent striking action of its medical professionals? This post, however, is not about the role of government in this misfortune called healthcare in Nigeria……it is about the doctors and nurses whose direct responsibility it is to restore and sustain the health of the citizens.
The doctor’s Hippocratic Oath goes thus:
I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant:                      
I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.
I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism. If overtreatment means billing the patient more just so the hospital can make more profit, this part of the oath gets tossed out the window. A simple cough patient is sent to the lab for malaria test (which would always come out positive as it is endemic in Nigeria) and FBC. Eventually, he’ll be given an antimalarial, antibiotic, antiallergy and any other anti- available!

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug. He was barely three years old and he was on admission for fever of unknown origin with temperature as high as 39.9*C. This particular doctor had stuck needles on countless sites on this tot’s body, searching for a vein, with the baby wailing at the very top of his voice. I have no problem with the good doctor doing his job; the problem was when he forgot about the warmth and sympathy of his oath and screamed at the child to …”shut up and be a man!”  Are u kidding me?!!

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not,"  I have been rudely reprimanded once by a doctor for administering Cefuroxime to my child when I was supposed to give Zinnat (duh!!) nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given to me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God. When a child is rushed into an ER with chronic vomiting and stooling, looking crazily emaciated from dehydration and treatment is refused because no monetary deposits have been made; when a convulsing child is left unattended by a doctor and the frantic mother queries that negligence and she’s answered,” Did you not pass XYZ Hospital before getting here? If you are in such a hurry, go there. There’s no law that says you must come to our hospital?” is that not playing GOD?

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.
I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help.
The economy is in bad shape. Quality healthcare is sadly, not priority with our government. Private hospitals and HMOs have to make enough profit to cover operational costs and pay staff salaries. Cutting cost at all cost becomes the motto of most hospitals. Nurses that can barely speak good English much less interpret medical charts are employed (a simple IM medication was given IV against chart instructions resulting in the death of an innocent child). Consultants and qualified doctors, in terms of years of experience, are replaced by "baby-doctors" that can hardly proffer a diagnosis without consulting their textbooks.  A source once told me that doctors in a certain bigshot hospital in Lagos are not allowed to spend more than 5 minutes with a patient. How does one even begin to discern a patient’s complaints under 5 minutes? The level of carelessness and indifference exhibited by these professionals are mind-boggling.
We tend to always blame the bigger body, in this case the government, for our misfortunes. Change can be initiated by that one individual, that one doctor, that one hospital, that one HMO that says NO….I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS.
To every mother that has to take her child to the hospital, read up on your kids symptoms. Thank God for the internet and mobile web, its much more easier to just google it up….makes for informed consultation with your child’s doctor. Always query any and every action being carried out on your child…it could save his/her life. Do not assume the doctor or the nurse knows best because in most cases, they do not. Most importantly, never underestimate your maternal instinct…..its your trump card!

Date Nights-Tres Necessaire!

I’m sitting here watching my eight-month old and her 3 years old brother sleep and for the first time today, I can actually heave a sigh of relief! Respite, finally!!!! Its the nanny day off; I was at a training exercise organized by my employers this morning; I’m exhausted….life of a career mom!
My husband has been really helpful today though, watched the kids while I was out and made lunch too! But, he misses his wife…..yours truly. I see the way he’s been watching me. Any other day, I would acknowledge the message in those looks and ‘report’ immediately to the bedroom. Today, I choose to ignore him! Like, I’m utterly exhausted. I cannot even begin to work up appetite for any kind of foray in the sack right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love him to bits; I miss him too. But as much as I tell him that, I need to show too. I need to show him so as to keep the passion alive in my relationship! Keeps the fire burning!

Date nights are very important in kick-starting a relationship where passion is almost gone. Even with the best intentions, the heat of passion experienced as newlyweds eventually succumbs to the pressure of everyday hustle.

When was the last time you had lunch or dinner together? Just the two of you? Without the kids in tow? When was the last time you saw a movie together? This alone-time with the hubby doesn’t happen much but when it does happen, I appreciate. It takes me back to those early days. No wonder the likes of Posh and Becks has every Wednesday earmarked as a date night.

Date nights almost always end with sex….the hot passionate kind. Knowing that you have a date can heighten the anticipation and make love making more fun. What more can a girl ask for?

As a newlywed, you have lots of motivation to sex it up for your man, wearing your tiniest and naughtiest sets of under wears. Four years down the line, that annoying floss up your rear a.k.a the thongs has since been replaced with the ever comfortable granny panties that allows you room to bend over backwards….literally. Not very sexy but…tres practical. Date nights afford you the opportunity to ‘glam’ it up in the bedroom every once in a while.

There’s a reason its called date night though. Chose your date-night date wisely! Some weeks back, I had set the mood for an indoor date night (there’s no rule that says it must be outdoors): champagne on ice, champagne flutes by its side, candle-lit room, new sheets on the bed, kids asleep. Everything in place. I had called the hubs and told him to hurry home….described in details the scene that awaits him. I had the poor guy drooling! I had just stood up to go open the door for him and I noticed a red patch where I just sat….the monthly visitor chose that exact moment to visit! I once heard a guy call it a "bloody waste of f**cking time". Crude but sooo true!

Till i blog again, toodles.....x

A Little Bit Of (Self) Respect


I am angry! No, make that mad! I am mad!
I love my girlfriends…..the ones that have taken the vow, carried a baby to term, birthed the baby, nurtured this baby to school age, worries about this baby and its father continuously….i love them!
When an unmarried Mr. gets together with a Miss Nobody and things progress to sex, “good” for them!....maybe they are trying to find love. But, a married Mr. and a Miss. Find-your-own-Man? That pisses me off, especially when the Mr. has not even celebrated his fifth year wedding anniversary (oh yes, the marriage is still that young!)
In my earlier posts, I had asked what could cause a married woman step out on her marriage in terms of cheating. It’s hard for a lady that has been through all the drama of nurturing a young family to wake up one day and decide she wants to get it on with another man unless a push has finally degenerated to that unbearable shove. However, it seems like some of the husbands do not need much of an excuse to cheat….anything from wrong colour of underwear, to food not being ready as soon as they mention the word “hungry”, to no reason at all, can have them running into the arms of another woman! Heck, the society even condones it and in some cases, applauds it. Today’s post isn’t about the cheating husband; it’s about the arms, the unmarried skanky arms that open so wide to welcome and accommodate a fellow woman’s husband….
If you have caused another woman to be beaten to an inch of her life by her husband while her children watched; if you have deprived a child the love and attention of his father because he’s too busy doling those out to you and you are too busy receiving to care about the damage you are causing a young life; if you have caused a 4-year old boy to become the man of the family and consoles his weeping mother night after night as she waits for her husband to get home; if you have caused that adorable little girl to swear never to marry if marriage is like that of her parents, I have news for you……Karma is a bitch!!! Until you have been in hers shoes….you have no rights whatsoever to her man!!! WTF!
For those that would justify it as love, go ahead and love another woman’s man. However, do bear in mind that what goes around eventually comes back round. You aint gonna be young forever. Eventually, you will get married and have a child/children of your own. After you’ve been through the pains of labor for all of 36 hours and given birth to the child through caesarian section; after you’ve grown from your perfect size 6 to a 12 or prolly a size 14 with a flabby fat stomach to boot, another two-bit chewing gum-popping skank will come along and help herself to your man.
My opinion: if we have a bit of respect, both for ourselves and for our fellow women and match these erring men back to their families, our lives would count for something. If half the love and attention and financial resources being showered on these faceless “other” women are infused back into the family unit, the outcome can only be positive!
Do comment your opinion.

CM: What's Important To You?


Mrs A resides in one of those high-end estates in Lagos, Nigeria. Mrs A is a busy career mother with office located on the island. Mrs A is a mother of three really cute kids, the youngest [Daisy]* less than 18months old.

This post reflects on a subject that has given many a mother sleepless nights: Career Vs Family? Now, if you are a working mother in the city of Lagos, you would really appreciate what this post is about.

Driving home from work most evenings, i'm usually saddened when i see women, some of the clutching to their young babies, begging on the streets for alms, for money to feed. I used to shell out money to those women....not for their sakes but for the sake of these babies that are forced to beg alongside their mothers in the sun, in the rains. I always thought,"What if this was my situation? What if this was my baby...hungry, crying, weak, on the street, under the scorching sun?" It brings tears to my eyes!

I especially remember this lady along Mobolaji Bank-Anthony Way in Ikeja that totes a set of twins on both sides of her body and i wondered what the future held for those children. How on earth was a woman that could barely feed herself, clothe and feed twins? So, i usually, always give money as long as i have money on me to give. That was last year....

.....and then last month, i saw this other woman beggar, with the same set of twins...seriously! And i finally came to the bitter realization that this begging-with-babies thingy was a well rehearsed scam, and a well-paying one at that. So instead of sad, i get really angry when i see them....and i usually let them know, verbally, how i felt.

Mrs A had thought Daisy* was breaking out seriously, having all sorts of rashes all over her skin but she chucked it up to change of bath soap (we know how expensive and selective babies' skin can be sometimes). It was until Daisy* started losing weight drastically that Mrs A figured something was terribly wrong. So, she took permission from her boss on a work day, drove home to take her baby to the hospital.....

....and got the shock of her life!!!

Unexpected, unannounced, she had entered her living room to the sight on her child-minder, crossed-legged with a bowl of food on her laps, watching television. No Daisy* in sight. Mrs A had assumed the baby was sleeping in her room. Guess what? That child was nowhere in the house...and the fugly nanny was as relaxed as to be watching the telly!!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The truth??? Daisy* has, on daily basis, been "rented" out to one of the so called begging "mothers" on the street!!!!! Every work day from 9am to 4pm, without fail! The poor child! Ok, i'm going to have to stop here. I am getting all teary-eyed again!

This happened last week. Nanny is in custody. Case has been charged to court! Mrs A has taken time off work to nurse Daisy* back to good health! But i ask: What is important to you????!

(Daisy* is not her real name)

Lets know your opinion!

CM: Cheating- A Woman's Perspective II


So, you got married and with each day, your partner's romantic tendencies seemingly disappears. Reason enough to cheat?

“I love my husband, but he’s a workaholic!”…….its tough, sista but I honestly believe its not reason enough to cheat. Keep busy….it makes his absence less noticeable; more bearable. Its ironic though, isn’t it? Seeing as cheating is actually one way of keeping busy, yes?! On a serious note, however, be productive….keep busy.

“He’s cheated on me so many times; its payback time!”…….i sympathize with every woman that has been cheated on by her spouse or partner. No woman should have to go through the roller-coaster emotions associated with being cheated on. Not only does the act shatter the trust that IS the bedrock of that union, it erodes her self-confidence…eats away at her self-worth. It begs the question, “What did she have that I didn’t?” Its so easy to fall into the arms of the next man that ‘appreciates’ her…..so easy and ‘justifiable’ cos he has been cheating. However, hard as this may sound, forgive! In order for a relationship to
function properly, to survive, you must learn to forgive and realize that people will make mistakes.

The other day on the radio, a woman married with three children called in to Dan Foster's show on InspirationFM. Her request: That a call be placed through to her unmarried lover of eleven months who just called the realtionship quits. She wants them to still be friends! Married with three children, the husband very much alive? The relationship went as far as eloping plans sef. I wonder what she was planning to do with her kids! SMH
At this point, I would like to say that I do not claim to be an authority on why women cheat or why anyone cheats for that matter. There are so many circumstances {some pardonable if I may use that word; some not} that could work against a woman being faithful to her partner.
I threw this question out to some colleagues of mine and the varying responses I got ranged from lack of attention, to boredom, to abuse both physically and emotionally, to love of money, to hunger for more sex! Whatever the reason, I would like to reiterate that no man….or woman is without flaw. The 80:20 rule for a relationship has it that 80% of what 'we' want/need/desire in a man, 'we' already have in a husband/partner; the other 20% 'we' find in the guy outside….extra-curricular as far as i'm concerned. The important question is: Would  you rather mess around with the flighty 20% and risk losing out on the rock-solid 80%?

Marriage IS a bed of roses, thorns and all! It is inevitable that couples would face challenges that could possibly wreck the union. However, always remember that you love(d) this man; always remember that change is the only constant in life and finally, always remember that work will win when & where wish won't!

You are stronger than you think you are!!

CM: Cheating-A Woman's Perpective I


Sensitive subject, cheating. Sensitive and deep.
Not too long ago, I was 17 and in the university. Life was great. My major worries those days were mostly money and time to study and those were not even major, if u get my drift. I loved to make friends. Partying was my fav pastime cos it afforded me the opportunity of making new friends, 80% of them boys. Oh yes, the boys! I loved the meetings, I loved the attention, I loved the butterflies-in-tummy moments, I loved the flirting….but most of all, i loved the thrill of the chase. I could never commit. I was so sure I would be a cheating partner in whatever relationship I eventually “settle” for. Then, I met him….
….and my theory of One Man Wouldn't Do died a natural death.
Lots of women can identify with this. You meet your soul mate; the one person that understands you to the core; the one person your whole world revolves round; the one that makes your heart skip a beat whenever you hear his voice; let’s admit it, the one person that holds the key to happiness as you know it. Suddenly, life aint worth living without him and y’all decide you wannna spend the rest of your lives together.
Now, you are married. First coupla years, the fun is unbelievable. You wonder how you got so lucky… you married the perfect man. He never forgets your birthday or your parents’, for that matter; he calls you up at odds hours just to say how much he loves you and misses you (forget that you just kissed him goodbye some minutes back); plies you with endless gifts and chocies at any and every opportunity; leaves little love notes at every nook and cranny of the house. Heck, every night IS a date night and the SEX……oh, the sex IS mind-boggling. You are so in love.
Then, come the children and with them, a whole lotta responsibilities.
He becomes a driven man. The sex is still mind-boggling but sometimes it lacks the romance and finesse that made you feel really special in his arms. Birthdays get forgotten every once in a while; the love notes disappear entirely; the phone calls....hmmm, the phone calls still come but just so he can find out whats for dinner or to say he’ll be late coming home! Cant say I blame him…cost of living is way too high especially with present day economic standstill and HE HAS TO PROVIDE FOR HIS FAMILY!
Overnight, you become mother (with the extra inches on the waistline as testimonial), slave, housekeeper, slave, maid, slave, career woman, slave, lesson teacher (someone have to take the kids through their homework for pete’s sake), slave, cook, slave….very well over-utilized and under-appreciated! End of the day, you cant wait to crawl into bed and sleeeeeeeeeep! No time to fix up yourself…...mani-pedis get done in your dreams and even then, you never get to finish cos the little one is yelling you awake. Phew!
With the passage of time, the romance dwindles to almost non-existent. You would wish for the intimacy of the yester-years. And this, darlings, is the CRUX of the matter! Expected as it is, what would cause a woman to step out on her marriage.... step out on her man??!
......To Be Continued

Blog Numero Uno

Okay! So, i'm finally here...seemed like it took forever. I haven't much to write about today; im more or less testing the waters, blog-wise. i do love the idea of blogging...i finally have a portal to channel my triumphs, frustrations, excitements, struggles without fear of any backlash or recrimination whatsoever! Its an awesome feeling!

Today, i got to visit a really close friend of mine that i havent seen in a long while. Now, this is news because this friend stays just a coupla blocks away from me! The hectic schedule of work, the crazy traffic of Lagos and the numerous "crises" at the homefront makes its almost impossible to have a life....forget socializing.
So, any chance i get to see my gurlfriends and "gossip" about fashion, men, weight loss, hair pieces..the list is long sha...any chance i get to gist about anything other than where to get bargain prices on diapers and baby food, i cherish!

Emmm, duty calls! Havta put the baby to bed. Blog later! Toodles.....xxx