When Siblings Abuse Siblings


My kids bicker a lot.
The small one does not know she's small, forever bullying her brother. Even though the boy recognizes the fact that she's younger, when he cannot bear the “bullying” and the almost eely way she slides out of getting punished for her pranks, he lashes out. In form of knocks or swats...at any convenient part of Zi's body!

My kids fight a lot.
Now, it’s easy to pass this behaviour off as childish exuberance but with what is going on in the world these days, I chose to know better. Like Sisi Yemmie said, “Na from clap these things dey take enter dance.
For every time Chets hits Zi, whether justifiable or not, he gets punished. When asked why he's punished, he would reply “Because I hit my sister.” And why is that wrong, I would ask. And he would reply, “I am not supposed to hit any girl or lady or woman.”
He didn't get this logic initially. How does he get wronged and get punished for being wronged? But he's beginning to get it now. Especially when the Hubs asks, “Have you ever seen me beat/slap/hit your mom?” to which he answers, “All you people do is Kiss! Yuck!”

My kids are 6 & 3 respectively.
With all these bickers and fights, you can NEVER doubt for one moment, the love or bond between my duo. Never. Nobody says so much as an ugly word to Zi, especially in school... Do they not know her elder brother is Chetanna A?!!! He is that protective of her. And you cannot punish him unduly without Zi whining you to hell and back...
That's what siblings are about. Love, Fight, Tolerance, Make up, Love!


So when I got this chat from this young friend of mine, my first question was “How old are these siblings?” My second question was “Are they blood siblings?”. Cos this is so weird. When I got the full story from this child that couldn't stop crying long enough to make sense, I sat down and cried! Usually soft-spoken and just a joy to listen to, her cries this morning ripped at me!



This is sooooo wrong! So wrong! How long has this been going on? And what usually provokes him?

I don't know what to do today. It’s my brother and me. I barely have the strength to walk. This has been going on since I’ve known him. I’ve always been in boarding house, then University so it happens on mostly holidays, when he's not in school as well. Today, I barely said a word to him. I wish I knew what I did to provoke him. Just yesterday, he smashed the DVD in my room because I removed his movie (that refused to play) and put in mine. This beating is like an everyday thing.

I've always been pointing this behaviour out to my Mum. Always! All she keeps saying is “He's your elder brother.” Until lately, some months back. I lent him my laptop. He promised to bring it back in March. He brought it just last month and everything was wrong with it. When I complained, he beat me. That's just when my mom started seeing all that I'd been saying for years. Just last month!!!!

I don't know what my brother studied in school. How would I? How can I have a relationship with this kind of person? I forget I have a brother; it’s that bad. I have all sorts of scars on my body. Old scars from him. Normally he uses belts, flower vases, shoes, all sorts to beat me. And then, he bites me as well. All my mom keeps saying is “Two wrongs don't make a right!”
So I ask all of us as parents...
What are we teaching our child?
What quality do you want to instil in your child?
Now is the time to stop this madness. Now, when that child is one month, one year, 10 years...NOW IS THE TIME! You cannot be too busy to prevent a future time bomb! What’s all the money in the world if one of your kids dies at the hands of his/her sibling? The boy leaving these marks on his sister today is the man that might possibly beat his wife to a coma tomorrow.

We as parents are creating these monsters.
We as parents are allowing these atrocities.
We as parents are choosing not to demand more from our sons.
We as parents are giving them powers without instilling in them a sense of responsibility and ethics.
We as parents are accepting sibling rivalry and fights as part of the family life.
We as parents are not teaching our kids how to handle conflicts in a healthy way.
We as parents are assuming these bouts of violence are normal horseplay amongst kids.
We as parents are increasing competition amongst our kids with playing favourites comparing kids.
We as parents are burdening our kids with the inappropriate responsibility of taking care of younger sibling(s).

I’m really saddened by this situation. I hope this mother takes care of this swiftly {like her child has been trusting her to do for years} and not wait until serious harm is done. Besides the direct dangers of sibling abuse, the abuse can cause all kinds of long-term problems on into adulthood.

Hey love, hang in there! You’ll be fine...eventually!

8 comments:

Toinlicious said...

Ok, this is beyond scary & the guy sounds like he's on drugs. I think they should still report to the police. I don't get how you can bloody your own effing sister all the darn time. Those parents even arrrgggg

The only one time my brother raised his hand (and lord knows I had ripped his last effing nerve that day) he never brought the hand down. He walked away. I was actually shaking because I thought he was going to hit me. My mom was there & the only thing she said in a dangerously low voice was "if you hit her, you better hit me next"

I didn't talk to my brother for like a week for even daring to raise his hand even after he apologised. He bought me a John Grisham book as make-up.

Chuwechuwe said...

Ah! I cant! I just can't! When can it ever be justifiable to hit a 20 year old sibling? Never. That's a grown woman! You know what Haze, our culture does not give mental illness the consideration it deserves. This man is cuckoo for coco puffs! No one in their right minds does these things! He needs professional help... I am truly upset by this mxm!

LadyNgo said...

I can't even imagine. Your brother is supposed to be the one protecting you, not beating you. Even as children (granted my older sibling is a girl and the youngest is the only boy), while we bickered and even slapped each other around a little, it was never to the point where we'd leave each other bloodied and bruised. And all physical contact of any kind stopped once we were above elementary school age. SMH

Rowzlyn said...

Its true that morals are best instilled at a tender age..."train up a child in the ways ... and when he is old he will not depart from it."

I empathize with that babe, nothing can hurt as the knowledge that her scare and pains are inflicted by a loved one; one who should love and protect her. Her psychology could be marred for life.

May God help us teach, train, correct and raise our children right.

Rowzlyn said...

Its true that morals are best instilled at a tender age..."train up a child in the ways ... and when he is old he will not depart from it."

I empathize with that babe, nothing can hurt as the knowledge that her scare and pains are inflicted by a loved one; one who should love and protect her. Her psychology could be marred for life.

May God help us teach, train, correct and raise our children right.

Rowzlyn said...

Its true that morals are best instilled at a tender age..."train up a child in the ways ... and when he is old he will not depart from it."

I empathize with that babe, nothing can hurt as the knowledge that her scare and pains are inflicted by a loved one; one who should love and protect her. Her psychology could be marred for life.

May God help us teach, train, correct and raise our children right.

Abiola said...

Very serious food for thought here. That is definitely not normal and the brother should be checked out as he has some serious personality issues. Seriously pitying his future wife.
I hope the young lady gets the help she needs immediately.

www.biolaleye.blogspot.com

Chizy K said...

I feel bad for his wife. I think its the society, kids grow up seeing these things happening around them. its sad

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