It Starts Again!

Just when you think you've got things under control, that's when the red horned one decides to throw a monkey wrench in your wheel of progress! Sigh!

So there I was in the office, minding my screen as per the professional banker I’m being paid to pretend to be when my driver Ralph* flashed my mobile.
{My driver is a pro at flashing…its becoming really disturbing. I get that sometimes one can be cash-tight but mehn, you can never catch Ralph with a dime, not on his person…not on his phone. He is forever not-having…its irritating! My driver cannot give 50 Naira to save your life….but I digress!}

As I was saying, there I was minding my business when R flashed me. I’m always nervous when my house or the driver calls me. My first thought is usually, “Oh God, let nothing be wrong with the kids!” Pessimistic, I know but I get through life expecting the worst of everything! Anyways, I called Ralph and asked what the problem was. His reply:

“Madame, nothing o. I just wan tell you say I don come back office. I don already carry Dota {translated: Cheta} go house”

I said Ok, Thank You. I was just about to disconnect the call when I heard:

“Madame, kpe, the kain fight wey Martha* and the other one fight for house today eh. Ahhh! Kpe I thank God say I go back to go carry fuel gallon. Them carry hot water wan pour me…..”

“Where were Cheta and Zizi?” I cut him short. Once I heard the hot water thingie, my heart skipped all kinds of beats. His reply made things even worse:

“Madame, Zizi dey floor dey cry o. See my hand {he offers the hand for inspection. His hand looked like a rabid ekuuke dog bite him. I should get him a tetanus shot ASAP, I thought} where them bite me as I dey try separate them. Madame, aahh, I no no wetin for happen if I for no go back go carry that fuel gallon. Kpe na God make me sef go up o! They even carry spoon wan beat me join!”

I quickly called the house…the househelp picked the call. I asked after the kids and I was told both were ok and sleeping. And I heaved a sigh of relief…not totally tho, until a friend of mine I begged to help me check up on the kids confirmed same. It was now time to get angry. How dare they fight in my house, in front of the kids? I couldn’t wait to get to the house to find out what caused the fight. Infact, I was so impatient I left my car and the driver sitting in traffic and took an okada home.

Got home, called a meeting {yea, as the employer of labour that i am} and below is a little bit of how that went:

Me: Martha {househelp}, what happened in this house today?

Martha: Aunty, yesterday I retouched Mary’s*{nanny} hair and she said I did not do it well. I told her before we started that her relaxer was too small and she said I should manage it like that. When I finished, she said I was just being wicked because her hair did not relax well. She now said if its wickedness I want, she will show me wickedness. Today, when Cheta came back from school, I put water on the fire {that’s how water entered the equation} to bathe him and to make his eba. I was now warming the soup when she came and said that the soup was tooo much, then she now pulled my hair and we started fighting.

Mary: Aunty, the way this girl insults me in this house, I cannot take it anymore. Yesterday, I begged her to retouch my hair and I asked her to run her fingers through the hair so it can retouch well. She said she cannot, that the relaxer will burn her fingers. When I retouched her own hair with my hands, did the relaxer burn my hair? I’ve been bearing a lot from this girl *she started crying at this point* and I cannot take it any longer. She calls me stupid and there’s no message I send her she ever goes. She always saying how foolish I was to leave my children {happy has 3 children, the eldest 9 years old) in Enugu and come to Lagos for work…..infact, I want to leave!!

Leave ke? Where does that leave me? Good helps are darn hard to find!

I went back and forth and back again, oh dear....a lot of "She said..." "You are such a liar..." it was just tiring! To cut a really really long story short, it was yesterday I found out what has been really going on in my house. Nothing like where two supposed friends are fighting….secrets just spills, left, right and centre. My ears heard eh! From shacking up with boyfriends when I leave for work {allegations laid against Martha} to taking abortion pills { Martha said it was Panadol o} to excessive phones calls, to always watching African Magic with another neighbour’s help {still Martha} to leaving the house to…..its just too many to recount.

I do blame the nanny for seeing all these truant instances on Martha's part and keeping it from me. If I knew on time, Martha woulda been nipped in the bud, taaay! But what happened yesterday, I place on Martha’s shoulder squarely…..

  • You do not insult or disrespect your elders regardless of their condition. The nanny has the body of a 16 year old so I see why Martha would think they are age mates.  
  • You do not taunt another with their bad situation…that could be you in some years.
The nanny is a really quiet one and the fact that she is a mother so works for me. Her kids are all boys so Zi is like her adopted daughter…which also works for me. So, when I started hearing “I want to leave” from her, I became really really uncomfortable! People, can u see how this local girl wants to pour san-sand into my imported-from-Enugu garri?

Ralph, Martha, Mary....not their real names, of course.


Anonymous said...

Hmnnn.. they both sound very dodgy to me. I think you should probe them more individually without the other person's presence. Maids can sometimes be such a nightmare in Naija. Personally, I think you should get rid of the younger maid, but it elopes me why the older one never mentioned any of these things to you. A lot of things I'm sure have been left unsaid so hence I ask that you speak to them separately esp now that they are ready to spill beans on one another.

Hazel said...

@Anonymous U bet milked that situation to my advantage. Both are guilty of something. What's obvious tho is that they can't work together....someone has to give room for the other or else, my kids and I would suffer the backlash. I've made my decision; the lesser of the 2 problems stays and that's the nanny!