The Good Times Are Killing You Now??


I will be the first to admit this: I used to be royally ticked off when I hear stories of ladies who trap men into marriages with PREGNANCIES. I always thought it an act borne of desperation; not the “Gulp! I can’t support this life growing inside me all by myself!” kind. No! I always thought it an act borne out of “Whether you like it or not, whether you love me or not, I must marry you…my ‘love’ will have to be enough for both of us. You are my last chance of ever experiencing the institution called Marriage” kinda desperation and the “My biological clock is ticking away to menopause…I’m long overdue for marriage” type. There are even those that entrap with nothing other that guguru and ekpa growing in their tummies, masquerading as victimized women! SOOOO annoying!!
And the truth is that there are still women out there who insist on twirling good guys in their evil webs. If a woman insists that a man marries her because he got her pregnant, there can only be two possible outcomes to that equation:
  • The man decides to invest in loving his new wife and they all live happily ever after OR
  • The man looks for love and HIS idea of an ideal woman outside his matrimonial home. Nobody needs further education on the implications of this second outcome. The chic had better be prepared to do battle!
My “neighbour” was approaching age 33 when I met her in 2006. Correction, I didn’t actually meet her; she barged into my house and my life. The hubby and a friend of his were hanging on the front porch of the house and since guys will always be guys, the friend beckoned on the chic….and fiam, she was in my life. For 33, she looked awesome…amazeball gene. However, there was always that aura of desperation around her. She would beg for introduction to some of the hubby’s friends; she was ever in my house to follow up on her requests. When the introductions eventually happened, she totally embarrassed herself, the guys and of course, yours truly with her behavior that just screamed “Please, marry me NOW!!!”  Of course, the guys were put off and suddenly, her use for me ceased. I failed to deliver! She left my life the same way she came in…..uninvited and unceremoniously!!
Two moons later, she was married to an already married man with family in another part of town.
Seven moons later, she’s delivered her first child.
Two years later, she was a mother of two girls.
Last week, she stopped me on my way from the salon, going on about how that stupid man does not care about her welfare! What do you say to this person? “You deserve everything you’ve got?”
So Yes, I agree some girls are just plain diabolical. But lemme now get to what prompted this post...
A friend sent this scenario to a group chat: A young vibrant chap working in one of the biggest food and beverages companies dated this girl for like seven years though no serious commitments were made by both parties from the onset. *Allow me to butt in here but...who makes serious commitment from the onset on their relationships?* Just last year precisely around December, the young man was promoted to a Deputy Manager with an awesome package to go with new status. With all these goodies, the girl and her aunt swung into action...devised a means to entrap the guy. Long story short, the girl deliberately got pregnant and now, the guy feels betrayed by her actions to ensnare him. He is seeking for abortion because he is not ready to father a child!
Bullocks!!! Hogshit! Bullcrap! First of all, why do some guys think women want them because of their money? Like seriously, can’t a girl love a man for who he is and most importantly, who he would be? So, this girl saw a guy that obviously didn’t have much to offer in terms of cash and decided she wanna date him. Seven years is not seven days....it’s not even seven months. I’m sure somewhere along those seven years, this chic had been a pillar of support, not just emotionally but financially to our dear “chop-n-clean-mouth” friend! I’m also sure this would not be the first abortion the girl had had to undergo in the course of that relationship. So dude, your pepper finally rested and suddenly, your girlfriend of many years turns into a vampire, itching to suck the lifeblood out of your finances. Newsflash: She did not get pregnant all by her loneself...you sorta contributed to that condition....ecstatically! Two: She should get an abortion because you are not ready to father a child? Your child? Really? What if something goes wrong during the procedure...or it didn’t occur to you she could die or that her womb might be damaged forever? What if that foetus is her only chance of being a mother, or your only chance at being a father for that matter? What then? Have you even thought of the psychological damage an abortion does to a girl? Yea, i thought not. Its just so easy to throw money her way and instruct she gets an abortion! Three: Giving and receiving really makes a relationship stronger. Guy, you have given and given and given the very essence of you to her for all of seven years, it’s only deserving you receive this once! This is not the time to bring Betrayal into the equation. This is the time to invite Responsibility into your life. If you were so ready to squirt, you should be equally ready to bear the consequences. Man up to your responsibilities....at least, you’ve got the resources to do so! And God will continue to enlarge your coast...Amen! You are even lucky it’s the aunt thats involved in this matter. Her father woulda broken out the shot-gun taaaaaay!
When we were growing up, my mother always said, “Find a man with potential; Marry him!” I used to wonder what planet she was from. How would we possibly know a man that has got potential....it’s hardly written on their fore-heads. But lo, you know a man/woman with potential to be a success when you see ‘em. So hey, if she hung with you and supported you when you were wretched, it’s only fair she should enjoy the fruits of her labour.
So yea, i do not jump to judging women that seemingly trap men into marriages. Folks should learn to live with the consequences of their actions! Ah well, this is just my opinion. This ish is real life so your feedback will be most appreciated. Comment it!!! Meanwhile, i wish to say a big thank you to my new followers. Shally and Yellow-Sisi, i see y’all. Much love!!! If you aint already following, please do so. Mucha gracias....x

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interesting stuff,.. You seem to one the one hand be against your neighbor trying to "trap" a man and on the other hand,.. support this other lady doing the same,.. entrapment is entrapment,.. Here's what I think,.. Trying to take a 7yr relationship to the next level is a good idea (7 yrs is a long freaking time for anybody to wait), but getting pregnant on purpose IS NOT the way to do it! Cos when stuff like that happens you end up thinking like,.. "if she'll go to this extent to get her way then I'm in for a roller coaster of suprises in this marriage!"

Olori said...

yep dis dude was a chop and clean mouth. he will now realise that she isnt good enuf for his status. after 7 years you still want to use excuse of not being committed or what. well except it was purely a friends with benefit p sha and d lady assumed she was in a committed relationship cos desperation can make us deceive ourselves sha. while i dont support her method for reaping the fruits of her labor, she does deserve to reap the fruits of her "labor" if we want to call it that...depending on what exactly she did for dis guy.

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

olori has a point tho...some girls can disillusion themselves into thinking they are in a relationship.
Anyways, I dont mind some girls 'trapping' a man with pregnancy. What exactly is trapping? Her not using her contraceptive? wasnt the dude supposed to use a condom? who was careless? please, guys should shut up! If a guy has been dating someone for more than a year and they have been sexually active, then the dude shouldn't cry foul when the babe gets pregnant. Nonsense!

asanwa babie said...

SEVEN YEARS????tufiakwa!see wat money does to "love".I'm sure dey wer very "happy" before d guy hammered.dat babe needs to take his name to one dibia.teach him a lesson..
If u r married now,we praise d Lord for u.do u no how many single ladies run d streets in naija??lagos sef??girls of differnt shapes n sizes.d men sef don dey finish.I don't blame a lady wen she has to "trap" a guy..smh

Anonymous said...

LMAOO....I love this perspective die!!! It makes sense actually.... 7years!!!! That guy sef wicked sha...



HoneyDame

Hazel said...

Hey @Anon 3:52, i'm not exactly supporting one and leaving the other hanging. With my friend/neighbour, it took all of two months to bag herself a husband so its kinda clear what her agenda was from the get-go. The fact that the man was already married didnt even derail that agenda. This other lady committed 7 years to her relationship. "Deliberately got pregnant" is what i'm questioning in this matter.

@Olori and @Sisi-Yemmie, i'm so with you guys!

@Asanwa babie, dibia though? LMAO

@HoneyDame, thank you for stopping by.