My Book Of Bible Stories: Joseph

My Book of Bible Stories, anchored by AA @Abyurla is back! I just love how she adds a modern day twist to age old Bible stories so we can easily relate it to our everyday lives. Today’s story is being anchored by a member of #TeamBookofBibleStories @phemyte. Read, enjoy, learn....
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During the week when AA sister informed me I would be taking the sermon today, I wept and asked God why me? Baba Why Me O? *in D-banj’s voice* Who am I to pree-sh to your children? I’m not even worthy to sweep your altar Lord. But then I remembered the men of old, they were in no way perfect. Moses was a stammerer; David was an adulterer; Rahab was a harlot, Bro Paul persecuted the church and many others like that *smoothens beard*. So I came to the conclusion, “God uses a willing vessel and not necessarily the most beautiful.” It don’t matter what you are or where you’ve been, God can and will use you. Can I get an amen? Amen!! 
Today, *clears throat* I want to share with you the life of 17 year-old Joseph Jacobs aka JJ aka The Dreamer, born into a polygamous family. His half brothers hated him cos he’s daddy’s boy (dad got him this lovely designer blazer) and he used to brag a lot about his dreams of becoming president. So one day while on business trip to Nigeria with his brothers, they sent him on an errand to a merchant. Unknown to him his brothers had sold him to the merchants to be used as domestic servant. Coincidentally the Nigerian Senate President (Sen. P) needed domestic help or houseboy, he paid the merchants good money for JJ.
After 3mths, Sen. P observed that JJ is godly and skilful in administration, so he made him P.A Special Duties. God was with JJ and everything was going smoothly until one day when devil reared its ugly head. Sen. P’s wife (Mrs. P) had been watching JJ since he came into their house. She noticed he was handsome & even has six packs & toned biceps. Since Sen. P was always in Abuja, she decided to “Set P” with JJ. She began to wink at him, backslapping, laugh at his jokes even if they were dry. Mrs. P would call JJ to serve her wine after she just finished bathing just to seduce him. 
One day she BBM-ed JJ, “Sleep with me *wink*”. JJ replied, “Let us fear God ma, my oga trusts me too much for me to thrust his wife” *angel smiley*. Mrs. P decided to take it a notch higher; she told him she would get Sen P to increase his salary, then bought him Bold 5 & Ipad 3 which JJ refused. Choi. I thought to myself, JJ is a dulling somborri, living in a jonzing world. I trust myself *coughs* erm…I mean err…some guys, there will always be electrical fault in Mrs. P’s bedroom, they will be looking for ways to fix her bedroom light bulb, socket. Just to enter madam’s room.
This particular konji haff catch Madam, the agro was unbearable. Sen P had not come visit her in a month; her “toys” were not helping matters again. That’s how Madam tricked JJ into the room when no one was around, grabbed him by the waist, pinned him to the wall with her heavy bosom *choi*. JJ looked at the madam’s oranges, he remembered the pictures from #WorldCleavageDay, he felt a bulge in his pants & started sweating under AC. JJ tried to psyche Mrs P, “Madam relax, no be say I no understand you all these days. I dey catch am as you dey throway am. I just want to be sure”.  Mrs P couldn’t believe her ears cos JJ had been refusing all her earlier signals. With his heart pounding in his mouth, he slowly removed his shirt revealing those six packs Madam had been dying for. Mrs. P grinned sheepishly, bit her lower lips sexily, hmmn. JJ noticed his chance, threw his shirt over Mrs. P and quickly unlocked the door.
Mrs. P was furious, a woman scorned! Mrs P thought of calling Sen P but decided to wait till he arrived from Abuja later in the day. Mrs. P showed Sen P JJ’s shirt and told him a well-cooked up version with plenty water-works. Sen. P was enraged; he immediately called the SSS to arrest JJ. Brethren and sistren, that’s how JJ landed in Kirikiri maximum prison...*Sigh*
You don’t believe me abi? Read Gen 37 & 39. How many guys would do what #JoeJacobs did? 
 What other lessons did you learn? Till another day when I’ll be bringing you another interesting tori, I remain yours truly @phemyte *wipes forehead* Part 2 coming soon
>>>>>>   To God Be The Glory   <<<<<<<
Really really nice piece from @phemyte. Make sure you follow him on Twitter. Also, if you want to be a vessel, get at @Abyurla and join #TeamBookofBibleStories.
“Your reward won’t only be in Heaven…You will be endearing people to the Bible” @Abyurla

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Choi..... I laff, water run from me eyes. This JJ just fall boys' hands. Nice one. Demi

Toinlicious said...

Lmao. E for collect d ipad @least na. Lovely story well told. I been hear say na Carrot jj wear that day wen Mrs P tried to Set P hehehehe

Okeoghene said...

Hilarious interpretation. Guys like JJ are very rare.

Coy~Introvert said...

Looool I love love dis version. Very hilarious. JJ no gree wash, dry, set P.

HoneyDame said...

LMAO...another round of applause! Standing ovation sef....
that play on words....trust, thrust! JEsus!

AA said...

Oh jigbijigbijigbijigbi,*hits head Papa Ajasco style* how do folks stay cool when their work is appreciated? My head just dey swell like Ijebu garri.thanks yall, I'm proud of @phemyte and I'm hoping more people will sign up with #TeamBookofBibleStories

@Honeydame we couldn't not grab that word play and I'm glad someone commented.

Truly JoeJacobs would have breached the massive trust SenP had in him which made him commit everything into his care but JJ was responsible enough to set boundaries. Like hey, here is a No-Go Area. He fled...he didn't capitalise.
Ladies (X_X) we too like SenP's wife sometimes set out to flirt, a "harmless" DM, BBM here n there, wink smiley, I have once encountered a JoeJacobs-defining- boundaries scenario and it stung, e dey pain.

Jemima said...

Oh my , i like how this was retold..

@ilola said...

Very very funny. Really nice.

@phemyte said...

The most encouraging fact is that, you people love it and were able to get the message,That alone makes the eyes misty. #TeamBookofBibleStories will continue to do more about this. You can also suggest Stories you wold love retold. Thanks

@phemyte said...

The most encouraging fact is that, you people love it and were able to get the message,That alone makes the eyes misty. #TeamBookofBibleStories will continue to do more about this. You can also suggest Stories you would love retold. Thanks

Myne Whitman said...

Wow, this was so funny but well told too. Thanks for sharing.

aloted said...

lol..was laffing all the way but it definitely passed on the message..well done!

setting p! lol

looking forward for part 2.

pls may we have story of Esther, Noah, David and Bethseba, um, samson and delila, the three hebrew boys who refused to bow to king nebu (cant spell all them hebrew names and too lazy to go check..lol)

chei...i have a long list o, i'll be back later

Nigeria said...

This is a good one. It is well narated. Well done.