Where's A Friend When You Need One?


I was in the market yesterday, waiting out that heavy downpour when my phone rang. It was a friend and she wanted to know whether i was home. From her tone of voice, i could tell something was bugging her. I told her i wasn’t home and asked if everything was ok. She said she just needed to get out of her house. Apparently, she and her hubby had a fight and home-zone wasn’t as conducive as she woulda wished it on a rainy cozy Saturday morning. I mumbled my apologies, told her i would check in later to find out how she was doing and clicked off.

I couldn’t help but chuckle after i dropped the call and my amusement wasn’t because she was in a sticky situation {hey, i’m not a sadist}. Nah, i was amused because once upon a time, i was the one making this call and asking a list full of friends if they were home...

The year was 2006. The hubby and i had just left the last class of our pre-marital course. The class was all about S.E.X--how, when, when not to, with who, with what—sex in all its brazen glory. It was a really fun class and on that high, we drove to one of the eateries on Awolowo Road to get something to eat. Just before we turned into Tantalizer, we got into..
an unnecessary argument; it was about the wedding date.

Church of Assumption, Falomo was, as of that time, one of the few catholic churches in Lagos that didn’t necessarily subscribe to the mass-wedding bandwagon as most did but you gotta chose your date wisely because once in a while, out of necessity of course, mass weddings happened in that church. The date we picked was gonna be one of those days so we were asked forced to re-schedule. The hubby suggested we moved it a week up; i said no...that date is my bestie’s wedding date. He said, “What? We can’t have a wedding on that date because your friend is getting married same day?”. I said, “Point of correction: Not just any friend...my best friend! I want to be at her wedding. I want her to attend me. We share the same friends. How do you wanna put friends through deciding which wedding to attend and which one not to?”

He said he was only kidding but i wasn’t hearing any of it. I had gotten myself so worked up that by the time he parked the car and asked that i come down so we could go get the food, i told him i wasn’t hungry anymore. I had expected him to walk to my side of the car, open the door, hold both my hands in his, look me lovingly in the eye and say he was really really truly sorry for getting me all riled up. Instead, he ordered me down from the car. His words: You cannot stay in the car; its not safe. So if you really are not hungry, you can stand outside the eatery while i get my food but you are not sitting in the car!

Tip 1: You might have the best intentions. Its presentation, however, makes all the difference!

What i read into that statement was Get the fuck out of my car. I saw red! I did the first thing that came to mind: i grabbed the house key, hailed the cab that just passed through the station to get gas, and left the hubby standing there, watching me leave. The murderous look on his face ehn... He wasn’t the only one watching; we had the gas attendants as audience. I’m dramatic that way.

It wasn’t until i was half way through 3rd Mainland Bridge that i realised i had well and truly “shat in the church!”. I knew i couldn’t go home to face the music. I also knew i couldn’t hop on the next available flight back to Port-Harcourt cos i was waiting for some documents to take back. I thought: Ok, i will just call up my homies and go hang with them for a bit until both of us has had enough time to cool off. I called Chiugo. Chic said she was in Satellite Town. Where the blip is Satellite Town? Mschew! I called Enjaykay...she was somewhere on the island with her cousin. Na wah. I made a host of other calls; nobody was available. Defeated, and with nowhere to go {i was a newbie in Los those days} i tucked my tail between my legs and headed home. Time was about 4:30pm.

By 11:00pm, dude hadn’t come home. He didn’t call; he wasn’t picking my calls. By the time he got home, i was truly humbled. He didn’t make it easier. I was berated beyond severely in that i-wont-take-your-crap no-nonsense clipped tone and he ended the tirade saying it wasn’t too late to go back to the Registry and annul this marriage if i wasn’t ready for it! He turned and walked away...to the guest room.

Ewooooo! The ink has not even dried on our court marriage certificate and its already being threatened with annulment? My mother will skin me alive! Husbands are scarce na. I finally managed to get someone to love me and the thumb i suck and i’m about to throw it into the bin cos of my hot-headedness? All the investments i put into this relationship...and into decorating the house! Chukwu aju! I was going to make this right, whatever it took. I made meals...both my meal and i was rejected. I wasn’t going to get off easy, it seemed.

Tip 2: The worse thing a husband can do to his wife is reject her meal. E dey pain. Guys, please desist.

I couldn’t bring myself to apologise. It wasn’t because i’m too proud. I felt like if i apologized, it would put the blame of this entire incidence squarely on my shoulders. I admit i was wrong...to some extent but he wasn’t entirely without blame. Y’all forgive this reasoning; i was still learning the rudiments of Marriage 101.

Day 1- i got the silent treatment. Day 2-status quo a.k.a silent treatment. Day 3 all through to 6-nothing has change a.k.a silent treatment still! I was dying inside. By day 7, i had decided enough was enough. Whenever he got home, i was going to apologise. Fuck who was right or wrong; i can’t exist like this no more.

Tip 3: Whoever told us that guys didn’t keep malice lied. They do, and they do it better than chics!

I apologized when he got home but it wasn’t my carefully worded {there’s a limit to everything biko} apology that got the juices flowing again. Oh no. It was the sight of his usually shambolic wardrobe looking so well organized {you could actually live in it} that wrought the magic. He said he had never seen that space arranged so, everything in its place and places for everything; i said Apology accepted. Case closed!

First major fight over. Annulment averted. God is good o...all the time! Sometimes, it’s actually constructive that friends are not available when you need them. Helps you work out your situation without distractions. Nothing like finding out who you truly are and what you are capable of, if push comes to shove.

Happy new month, everyone. Kisses...xxx

12 comments:

@ilola said...

Loool. I have sure learnt some tricks from this post. Will be using them, should I find myself in such a situation in future

Anonymous said...

Hehehe!!! Reminds me of a time , hubby and I had a quarrel and MIL was ard.
ME: went to hang out in a friend's place.
HUBBY: hun/angry but refusing to eat, later found gala wrapper in his pocket.
The end: swallowed my pride and apologised and d make-up.....

As a woman u just gotta to stoop to conquer!!!

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

Lol....this was hilarious!!! Me I'm starting to learn too oh....

Toinlicious said...

Oh mehn, 7days silent treatment would just kill me. Nice tips *grabs notepad & pen* :)

Luciano said...

in your shoes, i would have done exactly the same thing...yeah, i'm stubborn like that.
thanks for the tips, they will be very useful in future
funny way of telling the story too

qmoney said...

Hmmmmmmm

Myne Whitman said...

LOL...hot head no dey work for marriage o...

Gustalicious said...

I had a good laugh reading your very interesting write-up. We all have our stories in this journey called marriage.
I do beleive that we ought not always have friends to turn to cause the solution maybe within afterall.....werin de for sokoto de for shokoto!

Daughter of Her King said...

Nice article apart from the occasional swear words which made me cringe hard...but seriously I dont understand what u did wrong??? (confuse face). I would have thought u both needed to apologise... to each other.

Anuli said...

Just stumbled on your blog, great reads.I enjoyed this article and agree with the fact that when you have got no one to turn to, you will be forced to look inwards.

Tee Jolly said...

No be small fight. Although there's no way such disagreements won't happen. Silent treatment for one night from hubby will kill me.

jollythought.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

loooool. just reminded me of i and my lover.
silent treatment can pain, and yes men keep the worst kinds of malice. by day 2 i'm already tired and bored. boo can go as far as a week and i beg at the end of the day........ God help us women