Who Makes The Rules Anyway?

Statements like “You are nearly 25. When are you gonna get married?” or “Aint you too old to still be single at 29? Go and find yourself a man and marry!” we’ve all heard either directly or indirectly at some points in our existence. Some folks are subtle about it; others, like some parents, would blatantly shove it in your face, “Eliza, what are you still doing in my house? Is it not time to move into your husband’s house? Do you remember Chief Okonkwo’s daughter, that one we went to see in the hospital when she was born? She’s married o, with two children. Children younger than you are all married and you are still here. What are you waiting for?”
My question is: Who makes the rules? Who says when it is right for a lady to get married and when it is not? Who, apart from lady directly involved? As long as she is 18+.
Once upon a time, women got married at 16. Society called it Child Abuse. I totally agree. What does a girl know about men at that age except that if she kisses a boy, she’ll get pregnant? However, the same society that cried foul play years ago when fathers used to sell off their teenage daughters to their cronies now demands that daughters be married before they hit the big 3-0. It tends to sympathise with chics that are yet unmarried; as if they are some defective products nobody wants to buy. The pressure! It becomes even more pitiful when a lady embraces that pressure with statements like “My mates are all getting married. Why should my fate be different?”
Sometimes, it’s really not about the availability of men but about a girl’s preparedness. In my opinion, a girl should get married when she is good and ready; when she’s physically, emotional and mentally prepped for that phase of her life and no sooner. If ready at 18, then by all means marry and procreate. At 20, i was so not even thinking a steady relationship talk more of a forever one. In hindsight, i wished i had gotten married at 20. By now, the kids woulda been packed off to college and i would still have enough juice and stamina to rough a second honeymoon. But the operative word here is hindsight. Mostly at 20, you cannot even begin to comprehend the need and the importance of the act of juggling....juggling family and in-laws, that is. At 20, you might not fully understand the power financial {in}dependence wields on a marriage. It could make or mar a union. Most importantly, at 20, the heart is a lot more involved in the relationship than the head, thanks to Mills & Boon and Harlequin Romance. Marriage requires both the heart and the head in equal partnership. At the very least, the heart will know to forgive when he cheats {if he cheats} and the head will know when to skip if he beats.
If a girl wants to study and build her career to a certain level before marriage, who is to tell her not to? It is her prerogative; it’s her life. If she wants to marry before studies and career, it’s still her choice. No girl should allow herself be pressured, both by society or by self, into committing to a forever that she would live {or not} to regret because she was expected to marry at 29 and she just hooked up with the first decent guy that said hello.
In the end, I’ll like to think that life is really about two things: 1. Being happy and 2. Making heaven {I do believe in Heaven and Hell} and in my books, these two are intertwined together. All the hustles we commit to daily is just in pursuit of happiness. If it makes one happy to be gay, so be it. If one’s happiness stems from being single, being married, having family, building a career....whatever drug of choice makes a person happy, nobody else has a right to dictate otherwise. Nobody else except GOD. Every other person can just provide guidance and leave it at that!
Marriage is hard enough with the right person and the right attitude. With the wrong person, its a suicide mission! My two kobo....

3 comments:

enjaykay said...

true talk my sister. definately gonna share it with.......(u know who)wish i got married earlier too so i'll be flexing so much by now but i thank God i got married when i did if not i dont even know if i'll still be in it. the juggling is really killing. u've just got to know how to do it without tutorials but its definately fun

Sisi Yemmie ™ said...

i like your 2 kobo jor.. It just gingered me...the pressure to get married is everywhere but I shall bid my time!

HoneyDame said...

For the most part I am in agreement with u jare! the crowd that cried hosannah y.day is crying crucify him today....