A Stitch In Time...

My cousin visited a couple of weeks back and as is the norm with us, we got right down to gisting about any and everything. Nothing was sacred. Ok…almost nothing was sacred. Right in the middle of one particular juicy gist, she says, “Oooh, my hubby bought me this beautiful bra/panties set” and she proceeded to show me the said set on her person. She then made the statement that prompted this post. She said, “This man has never before bought me lingerie of the pant and bra category. After he gave me the set, nne, I read the handwriting on the wall. I went I updated my lingerie wardrobe!!!”
 As it with most of us married women, myself inclusive, we’ve become way too lax with certain things that had initially endeared us to our husbands and partners. Back in the day when we were courting/dating those men and in the first few years of marriage before the kids came, we made sure that the panties and attending bras were up to par. No grannie panties; no Coste bra. Twas lacy G-strings and equally lacy matching bra all the way. If you couldn’t afford a matching set, you at least made sure they were colour-coordinated. In those days, our nighties were the sheerest silk, the sexiest shorty shorts and matching tanks….you get the picture. Appearance was everything!!!
Today, we are rocking knickers as underpants; knickers that prolly has a couple or more holes in them. In some cases, the holes are the least of your wahala! Where is your shame when you hang those to dry? Or when the hubby actually helps you to wash them? Until that one bra protests, it is rocked until it is in shreds. Even then, it’d be held together with pins and needles. Bou-bous has taken the place of the sexy night wears. Comfort has become everything. Comfort is dullinq your marriage!!
I remember that one time my baby sister Nikki gifted me this sexky black lace bra with gold trimmings. One word: beauuutiful! The day I wore it for the first time, my hubby nearly hyperventilated. Frankly, if he were a dog, his tongue would’ve been on the floor, all the way to the living room. I rolled my eyes and told him, “Pull yourself together, man. It’s just a bra!” Wrong! It’s not just a bra o! Infact, it’s not even about the bra. It’s about the packaging {of a pair of not so bouncy boobs} and the promise of salacious things to come! The eyes first approve a meal before the mouth even gets to taste it! Need I say more?
Last week, my colleague *Ada mentioned another scenario that sorta buttressed the point of this post. Before I get into the story, I’ll like to just say that this colleague of mine is a hot-ass chic!! Well dressed, swanky bod….and she’s had kids. Anyways back to her story: Her hubby came home from work that fateful day and just delved into the back of their wardrobe, painstakingly looking for something. Countless enquires from Ada to see how she could be of assistance met with silence. Eventually, the man bellowed an Aha…he had found what he was looking for. He then called Ada, told her to sit and proceed to table the exhibits he had found. The exhibits were old pictures of Ada way back when they were still dating. He told Ada to spot the difference between her-picture-self and the person sitting in front of him. The chic of course said she sees no difference…she hadn’t added weight or anything. Oga then said, “Look at your nails; they look like untidy shovels. Look at the picture; well manicured nails…..” and poured out his distress to the wife he perceives as not trying enough to look good for him.
It is the little things. As little as how often you get a mani-pedi; how often you change the chipped polish, how tidy you keep your hair and its not just the hair on your head.
My nails used to be this pretty.


These are my nails as at 6:15pm today. I swear, those nails were manicured and polished on Sunday!
When was the last time you tended to that garden south of the equator? In the early days, it was characteristically gorimakpa. Well oiled, correctly tended gorimakpa. And it was usually tended, on a weekly basis to avoid any errant hair standing in the way of pleasure. We took pride in that. These days {and especially after the pregnancy experience where we literally have to hold up the extra folds to even sight the garden}, the garden is now tended every once in probably four months. *Side bar: Biko, if you are guilty of this particular sin, please just say this with me…Get thee behind me, Satan.* As I was saying, these days, rarely do guys see the gorimakpa ‘hairstyle’. It is but a distant memory. Times and styles have changed. Now, it’s the natural ‘fro, the dredlocks and the 100% human weave. I swear, some are probably that long.
The truth is that unless your partner works with you or works from home or leaves for work late, hardly does he see you all gadged up. You dress up and make up for others to appreciate. He would judge you by your appearance when he can see you and that is usually at home. Its a pity that at home, we womenfolks just want to be comfortable. I count Ada lucky because, at least her man drew her attention to her ‘shortcoming’!
A woman marries a man expecting him to change. He does not. He still wants his meals cooked and served on time, his clothes laundered & ironed, his children well taken care of but most especially, he still wants her looking tres chic as she does all these.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change. She does. So much to do...so little time for self! From one woman to another, biko find time. For starters, go tend to the garden! Tres importante!

20 comments:

njk said...

babe your crazy. God i cant stop laughing. funny thing i changed my lingerie wardrobe sometime last year and i got pregnant. dont intend to do that again till am ready for another baby. lol

Hazel said...

LOL @Njk. Now that you mentioned it, it does make sense. Apparently, there's a method to that madness. It is the new birth control measure! Hmmm...

Anonymous said...

You are just one naughty mama. Like you said a lot of women just stop making effort once they have 'hooked' d bobo. I was so shocked the day hubby told me d number of times I had actually wore a silk nightie to bed (I just love my PJ's), actually thot he dnt notice. That night had 2 bring out one I bought over six mnths(and neva wore) and light some candles!

Anonymous said...

Akri, laff wan tear my belle. You are so on point. Whoa! Thanks 4 d wake up call. Need to go work in some areas men. Where dem lingerie shops?

Anonymous said...

Is that actually a pix of your hand? I doubt it. Looks like a 50 year old's plus that left thumb doesn't look the way I remember it

Hazel said...

@Anon 2:46, chai if you think my hand is that of a 50 year old, imagine what the hubby would think about it!!!!

Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success said...

@anonymous

You made me laugh, abeg a 50 yr old hand..Chineka...haba!

Imao

My sister, I just spoke to a woman the other day that her daughter got divorced and she said exactly the same thing that women need to look great outside the home but in the house, they fail to do so for the man they married. If it's just putting on makeup to prepare his favorite meal, feel cutie, chic and pampered nails weekly or twice a month won't hurt a thing, well I thank God that's one lesson am learning early on in my life, I enjoy being cutie at home, even when home...do my brows, paint my nails , go get manicures...my own problem is that I think I love to overdo those things...ha ha, Victoria Secret is my second best friend, you know what I mean..it's sure does wonders.lol

Anonymous said...

With regards to the garden south of the equator, how about some of us who couldn't be hairless to save our lives and suffer untold misery from shaving in the form of bumps etc my dear I don give up on that one oh! God know as e be me and we go manage am so..... :D

Muse Origins said...

Lol!! When i saw the length of this i was kinda scared, but once i started reading i couldn't stop. This is so true. Not to self hehe


Adiya
Muse Origins Features
Muse Origins

Anonymous said...

Lol, Akri you wont kill me oh. Gosh this is so so true. I cant remember when last i had a pedi or manicure. Infact my feet are scally as we speak. lingerie matter is another thing. Chai!!!.

NG

Beauty.Style.Growth said...

Really Nice. Maybe I should remove the scarf on my head right now....And be more regular with the lingerie. It's just that comfort wins over sexiness for me for the most part especially during the cold weather which is nine months out of 10. Thanks for the post. Will follow you

Kemi at www.beautystyleandgrowth.blogspot.com

HoneyDame said...

LMAO....Hazel, I sooo love you!!! Your posts most times just get me in hysterics...Thank God I dont have to deal with this.......yet!

TallSocket said...

Wow, I have learnt a lot from this post like you would not believe. I', about to get married, and being the geek that I am, I practically know na-da about these things. I shall keep a tab on your blog, my newly adopted big sister :-)

Chi said...

Wow!!!!!!!! Very interesting.....a good wake up call...application time!
Great post dear.

@ilola said...

Kai, this is true talk o. I am still single, but I hope I won't slack when I marry sha. Truthfully, I don't trust myself not to. I will try my best. Seems I have a lot to learn from this blog.

I found your blog through Honeydames's blog.

First time here and following, please check out my blog at atilola.blogspot.com

Hazel said...

@Destiny, you are on the right path!!!!

@Anon 11:17, lol at "God knows as e be me". I feel you tho...bumps are a bitch!

@Adiya, hey. I dread long posts too but i guess once i started, i couldnt stop myself. Thanx for stopping by, boo

Hazel said...

@Kemi, we can only try. Thanx for stopping by. Definitely following your blog!

@HoneyDame, dearie...x. Thank God you dont have to deal with this yet. Dont say i didnt give you heads up tho.

@Tallsocket, my newly acquired baby sis ((((cyberhug)))). Congratulations on your upcoming nuptals and sont worry...we all learnt on the job. You'll be just fine

@ilola, thanx for visiting. Hope you come back. Im off to your blog next!

CherryWine said...

Hazel, you plucked the sentiments in this post right out of my head. I'm not married yet so it is easy for me to point fingers. But I always stress that at the end of the day, there are girls out there willing to go this extra mile just to hook someone else's husband so the women on the home front should fortify themselves. A few years ago, my dad, a usually mild mannered, non- chalant man, drew my Mother's attention to the horrendousness she called her underwear drawer. My parents are 28 years old in marriage so you can imagine how terrible my Mother's underwear drawer is since her husband never mentioned it until 3 years ago. She was so embarrassed, she went for a lingerie upgrade instantly. If my 52 year pld mother can make the change, young women have no excuse. And I learnt from that moment that no matter how old you are or how old your marriage is, your husband EXPECTS a level of sexy from you at all times.

Anonymous said...

ehen, so we sometimes get lost in the wahala of motherhood and work n wondering if our our mother-in -laws likes us or not, and actually forget to get facials, mani n pedicures, the men are not all free of this charge too (rolling my eyes)! they stop looking good for us too (more eyes rolling). starting with loosing their 6 packs. blog about that kiri.....

Chuwechuwe said...

LOL LOL LOLEST! I nearly peed in my pants laughing. "Get thee behind me Satan." Falling into the comfortzone is so easy even when one is dating, let alone when you have been married for a couple of year and life is getting in the way. Suddenly landscaping doesn't seem so important.....but for the man who was to negotiate his way through the jungle..... wa! It is everything LOL.