The 21st Century Dilemma: Career Vs Family

I am a pharmacist by profession but these days {and for the last three years for that matter}, I dress up and play at being a banker! Quite a career leap, yes? Topic for another…post!

Anyways, I am a banker now. When I got my present job, I was beyond estactic. Prior to my job offer, I was a stay-at-home mom for all of eight months and somewhere along those months, I had managed to morph into a very refined mgbeke!  Personal grooming took a back seat to tending to my two babies at that time…The Hubby and Chets! In fact, it got sooo bad that once, a market woman asked whether everything was alright in my life. That fateful day, I was garbed in an ill-fitting tank-top, The Hubby’s cargo shorts and some random bathroom slippers i stumbled on in the house! {I fall my hand seriously sha}. You see, Aunty MarketWoman knew me from when I just entered Gidi from the The Garden City and so watching me transition from chic-squared to less than status quo, was a cause for concern for her. I never forgot that incident…it was a turning point in my life!

So, going to my new job at the bank meant the world to me! I was grateful for the opportunity to gadge up every morning, put some make-up on and attend to random faces from all works of life that the job afforded me. Ego-boosting compliments tossed casually my way made my days. Not to mention the moola I get to pocket at the end of every I don’t havta rehearse lines before I ask of him! Let’s even forget the fact that I get to practice all them vocabs I learnt in school on my peers! If I had stayed a couple more months at home, all my knowledge of the English language woulda been reduced to cooing sounds! Honestly, having a job after such draughts, well-paying or no, does things to one’s self confidence…all positive!

You can then imagine my discomfort when I started hearing the word resignation in more than just passing at the home front. From my momma, to the hubby, to the inlaws...i swear, it was an overload. Can’t say I blame job is mental! In this age of electronic everything {e-banking, e-toasting, e-mailing, e-fighting...y’all get the picture}, you’ll shudder at the amount of mindless paperwork I deal with every darn day! Frustrating as it is, sometimes i do wish just the paperwork was my problem. If CBN wakes up from the wrong side of the bed, I pull a 7-day work week...from Monday to Monday! If my employers feel they haven’t sucked me dry enough, i get drafted to training exercises every other week!! You break down? Pooh! Big deal...folks be breaking down way before you! There is little or no time to play with the kids, all three of them. In fact, their little tricks to get my attention start to waltz on my very last nerves. So I get how I, as the woman of the house, the homemaker, am expected to quit my uber demanding job. Problem was that I wasn’t ready to give up the income that sources my designer cum wanna-be designer bags and shoes; and all the Brazilian/Indian/Aba weaves that chic-ifies me!!! Just kidding! I was {still am sef} reluctant because I wanted to be able to assist my boo...if need providing for the home!!

Trying to find achieve a workable balance between career and family is very difficult but not impossible. But at what cost? So, you work your butt off to give the kids the very best...commendable! However, what IS the very best? Expensive schools and everything money can buy...which sometimes eventually turns them into spoilt brats OR your time and love and the coat made according to available material...that nurturs them into decent beings?
My 2 kobo on raising kids happens to be that parental presence/influence should be felt more in the formative years of a child's life, at least to age six! In those early years, a kid's mind is not unlike a sponge...soaks in every and any values sent his way! The all-important question is whose values does he/she imbibe? The parents' or the househelp's?

My son is growing right before my eyes. He used to love kissing and cuddling and doing the *naked chicken dance* {every time i wanna have a bath, he’ll perch on the toilet seat and insist on waiting for me till I am done. In the course of waiting, he’ll yell: Mommy, do the chicken dance! It cracks him up each I jiggle in the shower} with me!! These days, kissing and cuddling are restricted to corners where no one will see him being a baby and when i jiggle in the bath, he hightails it outta holds no form of amusement anymore. Bottom line, I am missing out on his babyhood!
That’s not all. Because mommy has to work to support daddy, kids are left at the mercy of their minders. Oftentimes as we all know, these minders do everything but mind the children.
Some weeks back, the 40-year plus woman I employed to look after my children undressed my son and then purposely rubbed raw itchy peeled yam that she had picked from the dustbin all over his body! The boy cried himself to sleep that night, confused as to why that number of mosquitoes should bite him all over! Because of his peculiar ultra sensitive skin, by the next morning he had lesions all over his body...he was itchy for days! All these while, the nanny insisted she had no idea how the yam got on the boy’s body until i called my son some days later to ask what really happened. My heart broke when i heard the full gist....I am in love with the Hubby and I love my daughter to bits but Chets IS the very love of my life!!!!
The past coupla weeks has got me seriously thinking: Work or Family as against Work and Family!!! Before now, I would say: Must I chose? Can’t I have both? In my honest opinion, one can have both but
  • only if there is some sorta family support...mother, younger sisters/brothers{?}, little place to take care of the homefront! 
  • if one’s job offer flexibility in working hours!
Otherwise, something always gets the short end of the stick...either work {promotions pass you by} or the family {you become their favourite aunt, the one that comes every weekend bearing gifts while the help takes over your role in the house and consequently, your family!! Hmmm, the man inclusive in some cases!

I know for a fact that most modern-day men do not want housewives but they also do not want their children being raised by strangers. And so, most women find themselves subscribing to the Work and Family model. I happen to belong to this group of women. But I am learning to tweak the ratio less in favour of work and more in favour of the family!
No matter what you’ve done for yourself or for humanity, if you cannot look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?
Family IS Everything!!!

Lest I forget, I really like to thank all those that have taken out time to read this blog and comment. Y'all sorta encourage my "harmless" rantings and honestly, what’s the point of ranting without an audience? Defeats the whole purpose!! Mucha gracias!!!


Anonymous said...

I feel u. So are u planning on resigning from ur job. I work in a bank, am not married and I know the hrs are crazy. Getting married in May alredy planning on living next month. The is more to life than money. Save all u can save and the start off something u luv and belive in. My two cents

Hazel said...

Hey. Thanx for your honest opinion and yes, i am trying to save up. I've come to that time when a decision MUST be made. It wont be easy but hey, FAMILY IS EVERYTHING!

Hazel said...

And oh, don't forget to click on the link 'Subscribe by email'. That way, you'll get my responses to your comments. Visit again?

enjaykay said...

hope my son inlaw is ok. tell the nanny i'll probably kill her if i get her. my dear am going thruogh the same. even work saturday and some sundays and its killing me but i've decided to put my foot on the ground and given my boss conditions cos no matter how FAT d chedder is family is still important . when u work so much u tend to forget the little things that made u fall in love with the man of your dream and the quality time you were always spending together. my dear cant lose that for anything.

Hazel said...

Enjaykay, at least you have that relationship with your boss where you can negotiate work terms and conditions. You go girl! Chets is alright; nanny has long been dismissed...good riddance!

Olori said...

that housegirl get mind o. sometimes i wonder if they would do such evil to their own kids. anyway i agree with anon. i think if its feasible, u shuld try to set up something for urself (hubby can help raise funds if its doable :). that way ur d CEO and go and come as u pls because having that extra income is nice but this way ur able to handle the home front properly. oh and shout out to all the mgbekes out there :)

HoneyDame said...

OHMYGAWD!!! That is sooo wrong! Who does that?!
Haba! I can just imagine how heartwrenching it would have been to come to the realization of what she did. Here is what. Just work on your "Bedding and Beyond". With some hardwork as well as God's help, you might be able to eat your cake and have it. I can totally understand your need to want to augment the MR.'s income. I wouldnt tell you point blank to quit your job,'cos if it were me, I wouldnt!

HoneyDame said...

Oh and i already clicked on follow hr ago..:D

Hazel said...

Olori, I hope my hubby doesn't read ur comment cos he'll go like," Ehen, see smart-thinking people". He's been trying to get me to quit and run a pharmacy outlet seeing as I am a pharmacist but something keeps holding me back! Thanx for dropping by!

HoneyDame, Beddings n' Beyond is doing so freaking well, its amazing! Like, I am most grateful to God! With this backing, the option of resigning seems less frightening!

It surprises me tho that I'm more into this beddings business than my pharmaceutical profession!

CherryWine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CherryWine said...

My heart just broke when I read that ur help did such a vile thing to a little boy. What sort of world do we live in? It took me back to when I was growing up and in my case it was a distant family member that was recruited to help look after my siblings and I. She was just as evil as an outsider and she would deprive us of proteins and other things. However, I was determined not to be abused by this stranger and not to have her abuse my sisters so I took it upon myself to make sure I reported her and not let her browbeat me with threats of what she would do to me after my mum left for work. It also helped that i had a fabulous mum who trusted me explicitly. Please consider other work alternatives for the sake of your children. Helps are just plain evil and finding a good one is almost like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Hazel said...

Hey CherryWine, sometimes i'm inclined to believe these helps come with an already biased/poisoned mind. Forgetting the fact the you are paying for their service, some of them behave as it they are actually doing you a favour.
But in your comment, i take away on major point: Your mummy believed you. That is the most important thing ever.
Four rules i never forget to re-iterate to them helps: Do not for any reason tell me lies; Do not steal...they can have anything that is within my power to grant them as long as they tell me; Do not harm my chilren in any way...their job is to pamper them, mine is to discipline; and finally, WHATEVER MY SON TELLS ME IS THE least for now!

Anonymous said...

how do you like working at cbn though? i am thinking of doing my nysc there. what are my chances of getting retained after/ and how is the entry -level pay? i know this is random but i would really like to know.thanks

Hazel said...

Hey Anon, I wish I worked in CBN! I work in a of the top 3, I must add...and as you know, all banks are controlled by CBN. Goodluck tho with your CBN pursuits!

M said...

Interesting post - would like to know what you decided to do in the end...?