Scrambled Post Numero Uno: Tossing The Baggages

So, two days ago i tweeted: My brain is so fried right now...i think i need to blog to relieve the tension! Y’all expect a really scrambled post!
As promised, here’s the first in what might be a long list of scrambled posts:

Some fourteen months ago when I was about seven months pregnant with Zi, I was honoured with an encounter with one of those unwholesome/unsavoury characters that bad experiences are made of!
I had closed from work later than usual that day and not wanting to keep my driver longer than was necessary, I had asked him to drop off close to the house so I can drive the rest of the way home. He cleared off and momentarily parked the car at the only good spot on that stretch of the road. Incidentally, the spot was right in front of a gated desolate-looking  seemingly uninhabited compound. No harm done, right? It would only take me a few minutes to climb down from the back seat, waddle across and make myself comfortable in the driver’s seat then continue on my merry way home, yes? Hmmmm....
As it were, i was still trying to waddle across to the driver’s side when this ‘uniformed’ guard came out from the kain building i thought was uninhabited. The following convo ensued:
Guard: Abeg abeg, comot this car from here! {such courtesy...smh}
Me: Oga, sorry. I won’t waste time...i just wan drop my driver
Guard: Abeg comot this thing. Why you go come park car for in front of person office? You no dey even think?
Me: But i already said i was sorry. I’m leaving already.
Notice how i had switched to proper English...anger does that to me. Did this creature that does not even qualify to be called dude just call me a brainless bimbo? Anyways, i decided to be the bigger person and shake it off. And then he said:
Guard: Me? Understand? I don come your office before come block am? I no blame you. No be because you don go prostitute finish, one stupid man come give you car, na why you go dey talk anyhow!
That, stopped me in my tracks. In slow mo, i did a one-eighty and faced him-from-the-pits. I tried...God knows i tried, but i couldn’t contain the venom cooking inside of me {plus everyone knows that pregnant chics are particularly cantankerous....temperament move from zero to a hundred in one second flat!}
Mehn, i let loose on the man. I’m not only pint-sized, i abhor physical confrontation. But what i lack in physical strength, i more than make up for in the mouthing section. My word vom was on another level that day. I whaled on the man. I dredged up residual angst from things that supposedly irked me at work that day and i channeled all into cussing the fool out! Boy, i forgot i was pregnant and tired! My outburst shocked by driver...he was still hanging around...into speechlessness! {in the almost-two years he has been in my employ as at that time, he has never seen me like that}

In all my rantings, i did make sure he heard one message loud and clear: at least i had the brains to ‘prostitute’ myself to a man who could afford to pay for the ‘service’ with a car!! Hidiot!!! I was so worked up i didn’t even notice the sizable crowd that had Lagosians! So furious was I that i had started saying, “With this pregnancy i swear it shall...” when i felt a hand on my shoulder and i turned to see an elderly respectable-looking lady shake her head side to side and say, “Don’t! Not with the child in your womb! Let it go!”
I let it go. I climbed into my car and i drove off, fuming all the way home.
It wasn’t the fact that he called me a prostitute that got my goat; it was the fact that he assumed i had only to spread my legs to achieve this object of his oh-so-obvious envy. Heck, i cooked and cleaned and laundered and kept house and pushed forth babies....i worked hard for my car!! What right does he have to trivialize my hard work by calling me a prosti? God punis...*woooosaaaa* bless him in where ever difficult corner he is in right now!!!!
I know that incident pained me well well cos each time i drive by that building till date, i mumble ‘idiot’ under my breath unconsciously! Blogging it makes it so less of an issue. Here’s hoping i finally let it go....he was just another frustrated nonentity!

My brain does feels slightly baggage dropped off.
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HoneyDame said...

LMAO...!! not a particularly funny situation, especially for a pregnant woman. But Lord knows that the picture you just painted is funny as heck! For me, I wasnt pregnant and it was with a cab driver,*Story for another day!*. Some people are just abundantly blessed with a huge ability to piss others off. I give it to them
That "wooosaa", is from a movie, yh?! I remember watching a movie (which i cant remember now) and using that expression after.
Good to know that man didnt push you into doing anything rash

Hazel said...

Can i say I Love You already? Thank you soo much, you sweet as honey Dame!
Woooosaaaa was from that movie Bad Boys with Martin Lawrence and Will Smith!

Diva said...

Am not pregnant but i feel like that about twice or thrice a month!!! It's sooooooooo annoying how idiot low life hediots think they can talk anyhow just because they own penises!!!!

One security guy at a bank said i should watch how i speak cos he "has my mate at home" and all because i chastised him for letting some Alhaji jump the queue!!!
Trust me, i went all ghetto on him!!! I told him that if he had my "mate" he wouldnt be working as a security guard and earning in a month what i spend on dinner!!! Anuofia!!!!

*i bet you cant guess who this is*